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welcome to my blog (: The BLOGGER'S Rights: 1. To blog about any content that is humane. 2. To blog about any content that is not against the law to blog about. 3. To express her own thoughts. The READER'S Rights: 1. To ignore any posts that he/she feels is offensive. 2. To not read this blog if he/she finds it disturbing/annoying/revolting. 3. To give any comments on any contents on this blog. 4. To express his/her own thoughts.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
i dont mind going for OBS but the PACKING is NIGHTMARE. and i dont mind going for OBS empty handed, but trekking thru the forest with damn loads of things is NIGHTMARE.
10:48 PM
OH YEAH YOU KNOW FIRDAY THE FIRE ALARM WENT OFF THEN EVERYONE STARTED CHEERING AND SCREAMING IN JOY? IT WAS EXACTLY LIKE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2 BEFORE THE START OF WHAT TIME IS IT!!!!
10:25 PM
busy. you know what? students' role is to study. we are students, thus we cant complain. but have you ever thought, who said we have to be students in the first place? we can be learners, but not necessarily students. and that co thing. there's nothing bad about it actually. in fact, it's good. if it didnt happen, we wouldnt cherish our bond later. if it didnt happen, what "bond" we have might not be so real. and you were asking for any solution? my answer is this: the solution is this, this is the solution. because i believe in the humane side of every person, the talk will get the better of everyone, serve as an enlightenment. the talk itself did it all, there neednt be any solutions at all. and, you know how everytime you try to use "i'm so busy" as an excuse, or you're just complaining about how busy you are, and the other person says coldly "you aren't the only one who's busy,everyone else is busy too" back? i wonder what's their point in saying that to us? maybe they're just reminding us that others are busy as well, so we shouldnt complain. that makes sense. because many times when you (general) get so busy, you'll tend to forget that others are busy too. or maybe they're trying to say to us, look, we're all busy, so just get it done okay. it might be okay if one side tells us that. imagine the teacher, your cca teacher, your parents, even yourself, all telling you the same thing. that's when 24hrs a day is really not enough. but i'm just guessing. because i really dont know what they mean when they say that sentence. maybe i should ask next time. all in a very neutral tone. however there's one thing about that sentence that we can conclude, or make an inference from. given that "majority of the people doesnt like being so busy", "everyone is busy" is what shows that we are becoming less humane. okay that wasnt clear. the fact now, is that, everyone is busy. cant deny right? at least majority of the people are busy. but at the same time, most people dont like being busy, do they? no they dont. so why are we still so busy when majority of us doesnt like being busy? that's the question. it may sound like another question, for example, i dont like apples so why do everyone still eat apples? but there's a difference you see. the first question, involves majority versus majority, while the second question involves self to majority. when it's tha latter case, it's alright for whatever he's unhappy with to still continue because MAJORITY of the people still work that way. so he's the minority, it's his problem, he's gotta find a way to fit in or something. however, majority vs. majority is a bit of a problem because it only shows humans(general) are doing things they dont like. for what reason? for a humane reason: to survive. it's quite complicated. okay let's talk simple english. why everyone dont like being busy but still succumb to busy-ness? OMG I REALIZED STH. busy-ness = business. you know what that means? business, which involves money, is what makes humans busy.. and thus sort of force people to be busy.. and thus make humanes inhumane! business is what makes people busy. i would agree with that. without money concept and all, would we still be as busy? anyway back to the topic. we are ALL doing sth that we dont like. and we're not doing something about it? it's like we see this brick wall in front of us but we just keep accelerating. or maybe, we see this brick wall in front of us but our cars are auto so they keep driving themselves and we hopeless humans can do nothing about it except sit in the driver's seat with a seat belt and praying that the air bag will save our lives when we finally crash. that'll be it. we are hopeless. and math and science are in a way two things that got the world ending. heard of Darwin's natural selection theory? maybe i should share with your something, that'll leave your in fear. you know all those antibiotics we take? they are supposed to kill bateria in our body? and get us well again? well, truth is, the antibiotics do nothing to us when we consume them except to help generate more resilient bacteria in our body. that's actually just common sense, when you say it out. but few apply it to medicine, or know it but ignores it, because he prefers to get treated than to know a truth. so while our biotechnology is so advanced, there are also more and more dangerous and fatal diseases coming our way. and when they come, we'll have to invent more medicines to get rid of them. and the medicines generate more resilient viruses and yeah, it'll be a vicious circle. it's like while we know that we're only harming ourselves, we have no choice but to continue coming up with new medicine. again, we are hopeless. Labels: some thinking involved (:
10:10 PM
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
201 reunion at SAC during lunch. it's so nice to know we're still so bonded. and i overheard something: "only your class still so together lor.." i'm so proud of 201'08! (: many times this year: "yeah rmb we did that last year? so fun!!" "no it's sec one!" "huh it's last year what!" "it's sec one! rmb ........... ?" "oh mygosh yes it's sec one!... wow.. feels like last year.." "yeah feels like last year.." "so fast......" "yeah.. sec teo was like twice as fast as sec one.." many conversations this year contained at least 2 of the sentences above. "i rmb last year you said still got half a year left... then it's like only 2 days passed!" "oh yeah.. i was saying there's still half a year...." memories. today i walked in the rain involunteerily. well that's quite rare huh. today i learnt that rainbow disappears very fast. within 5 minutes, the whole rainbow might be gone. but the sight of a rainbow together with buildings and all seem.. thought-provoking. or emotion-provoking. Labels: some thinking involved (:
6:50 PM
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
i headed for pasir ris/changi cuz the other didnt look familiar, i didnt even bother digesting it. then i realized pasir ris/changi wouldnt be right at all. then i asked, "where the hell's Joo Koon??". and realized it's where "Boon Lay" is supposed to be. they changed the signs really fast. but oddly, they couldnt change the computerized signboards/TV on the platform in time. and i thought computers are damn efficient. so in the future i'll be heading towards Joo Koon instead of Boon Lay. feels weird.
6:50 PM
Monday, February 23, 2009
i have decided to make the most out of my life. my one and only life. but ironically, that means heck-caring about math homework when i dont know how to do them. haha wow. i had this talk with my parents during dinner. on how fast the World is developing and when World end will be. here's something interesting brought up again: World end might have started ever since World began. how cool. it means it's destined to end. self destruction. destiny.
6:50 PM
dont read this i'm just plain bored and have nth else to do and feel that blogging is the best way to spend time so. dont read this. but unfortunately, everything works in reverse. so work reverse reverse an skip this post yeah. there's this familiar music playing outside. so familiar, yet i cant tell what it is. i am plainly wasting time.. i want to go eat a banana right now actually. but just cant be bothered to walk down the stairs.. i am trying to describe how i'm wasting time.. gah. i sympathize the chinese translation teacher. she's very enthu about the lesson but everyone else just again, cant be bothered.. so she'll be talking to herself thruout the whole lesson. i feel sorry for her. but she's also inefficient. she collects back the paper to see what we wrote, when she can just call us to read out what we wrote. i realized when the person in charge doesnt take control, no one else bothers. the reason i felt like blogging among all other things to do, is probably cuz i read someone's blog, and then many thoughts flooded in. weird random thoughts that i just feel like saying oh yeah. obs. has anyone packed alr? i have no idea how to pack it's like a major project to me or sth. yes, PACKING for obc is a major project. sigh. i half dread and half anticipate obs. i anticipate those adventurous parts like climbing stuff and being primitive but i dread stuff like the risk of creepy crawlies crawling into your ears, nose etc. dont say it's impossible, things like these have clearly happened before. gah. i'm just paranoid. but one sentence goes "it's better to be paranoid than to be dead". i quite agree. but it's quite weird aint it? the risk of blahblahblah is precisely primitive. haha death. one day on the bus i was just randomly thinking. who said our main event in life is BEING PHYSICALLY ALIVE? u know, maybe, just MAYBE, life on earth is a stopover. a transition from one world to the next. maybe that means i believe in life after death but i cant be sure if i believe that. a girl mind trapped in a guy body or vice versa. it was really insightful that lesson. you can tell the high humidity of singapore from papers. papers are usually soft and soggy in singapore.. i realized chinese lit.. can be quite interesting, if you know what the teacher is talking about that is. and i am actually excited to read tht zi liao thing, just that havent really got time to. "she is not a perfect human because she is perfect." "she does not have any imperfections, making her imperfect." "imperfections make us perfect, because a perfect human is imperfect, because no one is perfect." ahaha this is so fun!!! perfect- definition: perfect in being a human. imperfect- definition: imperfect. i am obsessed. this makes damn lot of sense. a (perfect)human is imperfect, because no one is perfect. thus if someone if perfect, he/she wouldnt be a perfect human/perfect at being a human. yeah i think latter makes more sense. hahahaha omg lalala will go eat banana now. OH i realized it's "lalala" and "banana". okay. sorry random. Labels: out of boredom/crap posts, some thinking involved (:
6:50 PM
name one thing that you find too outdated and primitive in this modern world: climbing the stairs. having to drive on roads and wait for traffic. name on thing that you find very futuristic in this world: being able to control the heater in your house from your office. ah. the World. Labels: some thinking involved (:
6:50 PM
700th post and a sadistic one. "good friends are like stars, you don't always see them, but you know they are always there." i'm not saying whatever i'm gonna say because i'm sad or depressed or anything negative. it was just a thought that came across my mind, because i saw jinyi's msn personal message. you know the stars that we see now, are from like many many years ago, when we see them now, some of them might not be there already. thus if you're to compare friends with stars, it'll become "friends are like stars, you see them but they might not be there anymore." LOL what twisted mindset. Labels: some thinking involved (:
6:50 PM
this morning i saw this very cute little boy on the bus. he had an angmoh look his mum is singaporean so i think he's mixed blood. he wears this reddish specs, considered thick frame. made him look very art-y. then he was like restless on the bus. he kept asking his mum "are we still late?" this is american accent. (he's from canadian int school) then his mum will expressionlessly nod her head. dunno why but i felt the mum a bit biased against him, but towards his little brother who was sitting next to the mum. he was standing at the place, u know the new SBS buses, there's this place near the front, you cant put your stuff on, that platform. then he lifted himself onto that platform and sat there. and then later he lie on his stomach with his hands supporting his chin and his legs were up. okay i dunno how to describe but he was like really cute- in a children-cute way. on the bus i also saw this boy who cycled pro-ly to school. it was really pro. you know the now german european school, it's like uphill, and there're zabra crossings and traffic lights and stuff and then he just cycled all the way up. it was impressive because it was a young boy of about 7 years old? mm. i forgot to mention about the coke float ytd. it was sooo fun!! haha regret regret regret i didnt take a photo of my first coke float. u know why? that day we ate at newyork newyork and i saw coke float or sth on the menu but it was like 7 bucks or sth? decided it was too ex and i should make onemyself someday so i bought vanilla ice cream. yes, vanilla ice cream specially for it. and i used that mcdonalds olympic coke glass bottle!! haha it's so fun. then the vanilla "dissolves" into the coke then some time later it will float back up or sth. but i dont like when the whole coke is fille dwith vanilla, it's.. diluted coke or sth. but then i realized vanilla and coke really goes well with each other! wonder how that works? ohyeah. since we're on coke. if it's only the atomic/wtv structure of the mentoes and the gas-y part of coke that causes the "explosion", then we can also use like maybe hi-chew and sprite? would they give the same effect? or what about mentoes with a coke that's not gasy anymore? ytd night something struck me. and it made me feel i'm living such a meaningless life. you know we can just take SAT now, and go to some crap university in USA. we dont have to go thru the crappier JC for two years. we dont even have to go thru sec 3 and sec 4. just that there might be some age limit to SAT in singaproe or sth. but think of it! we wouldnt FAIL SAT it we take it now because their math is relatively easy and we wont exactly fail essay and english part. imagine. we could be in some university right now, studying what we like and stuff, even though it's a crap univeristy. it's still UNIVERSITY. it sounds and feels impressive. instead of being in some high school that's called high school for the wrong reason. ohwell. i really wouldnt mind going to a crap uni (if i can that is), because i DREAD DREAD JC. jc sounds like a nightmare........ JC seems even further away than uni, somehow. you realize anything? i realize however much we may think/have in common, we'll eventually end up different. this is where we become different. one of us gets tied down while the other gets more wild. i wonder if there's anyone on this planet who'll be wild with me... fat hope.
6:27 PM
Sunday, February 22, 2009
we're HIGH SCHOOL students now. wow..
8:28 PM
damn it i hate split ends
7:38 PM
a freudian slip is when you mean one thing, but say a mother.
7:04 PM
Saturday, February 21, 2009
realize the word "I" is to be capitalized always in a formal text? realize it's hard to emphasize on the word "I" because it's supposed to be capitalized? why is "I" supposed to be capitalized anyway? is it cuz of our human nature - egoism? and then there's something about not being able to emphasize on "I" too. there must be a connection.. and a meaning to it. like maybe we're ego enough so we shouldnt be more ego? this is going to take some time
11:25 PM
maybe this is the enlightenment most people get right before they start to settle deep into the fur of the rabbit, where they'll be comfortable for life. what a very tempting thing to do. since it gives you happiness. maybe now i see the sacrifices those philosophers made. they kind of avoided a happy and carefree life to think. because if everyone succumbs to the happy and carefree life, then our lives would be so much more surfacial. we'll be living like robots maybe. haha
11:25 PM
if you really think that, you're wrong. because for all you know, there's this one person out there who's willing to. you just have to find her.
8:39 PM
gonna have a busy busy weekend. i realized sth. i should stop putting in so much effort and "trying so hard", even though i have absolutely no idea what trying so hard means but in this case for me, i mean trying so hard to do well in my studies. when i slack and do a quiz, i get the same marks as when i revise and do a quiz. so then what's the point in revising. anw quizzes test people how much they know not how much they mugged. like jingyi said. ppl do well for a test then forgot stuff after test. so we learn it for the test. but the test makes us learn because we have to do well in the test. so the test is there to MAKE us learn. if there's no test, aMAYBE people wont even bother learning. but we're still just studying for a test. okay. no. we're studying for a perfect number. numbers are silly. because humans created them. see, this is so ironic. kind of like frankenstein right. victor created monster is like huans created humbers. this is called "giving life" or 'invention" wich is supposedly a good thing BUT monster harms people just like numbers harms humans. we're controlled by numbers now, dont you realize? wealth, academics, AGE.. people always say dont let your age control your mind or whatever. then why does no one apply it to their studies? grades and marks are merely NUMBERS. what we learn can never be measured by numbers. in fact, what we learn cannot be measured in the first place. it's ironic because, we are controlled by something WE created. yeah. just like how it's quite likely to be controlled by robots in the future. in conclusion we should not be controlled by numbers thus i should slack and live my life instead of working like a SLAVE for a NUMBER.
7:39 AM
Thursday, February 19, 2009
HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 IS OUT IN DVD AND VCDS AND BLU RAY!!!!! AWESOOOOOMMMME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO GETTTING IT. i kind of like, figured the World out. (ba shi jie kan tou le) though it's sort of like an extremely egoistic and unreal and untrue thing to say. i dont really 100% mean i really figured the World out, i just kind of like enlightened myself on how World works. like finally. and this enlightenment makes me happy, somehow. humans want development. natural selection cant be avoided. it's inevitable. it really is. so is development. and since development and advancement is what leads to World end, it clearly means that the World is destined to end. and to be ended due to advancement. the world cant possibly last forever. so there must an end somewhere, somehow. and, how? judging on what's happening now, and in the past 200 years, advancement in technology seems like the most probable reason for World to end. people are becoming lazier, more unhealthy, more pollution, more extreme and stuff. so i kind of like figured out that everything that's happening now, is destined to be happening thus i wont feel unhappy about anything cuz anyway it's supoed to be like that. it's like, it's too late to change anyway. i have like idealistic ways of how the world could function but then, how unrealistic and how the heck can one person change the way the world functions? but there's still this slim change of people turning back. it's like the day the earth stood still. a professor in the film mentioend a sentnce like "humans only change at the precipice". maybe that's true. cuz what's happening now, is that people can clearly see the world end due to disasters all overthe world, starvation, drought, flood, fires.. we can alr see the piture in our mind. but who's bothering about turning back, and hopefully postponing this world end thing? when i typed that previous sentence, i realized anothing damn i mean another thing: why the hell would anyone bother about postponing the world end? that's one question to think about. it's not so easy to asnwer really. it might not matter to you, to us, this generation anyway, because the world will most likely not end in our lifetime. so who the heck cares eh? we wont suffer it anyway. but to HUMAN RACE, it does matter. i dont know how it matters but i just have this feeling it surely matters. how can world end not matter with human race? unless humans are all well extinct before world end. (sorry i'm like typing so many things without proof. it most likely cuz i'm not a person who's strong in logic and stuff.. well maybe that's why my math sucks like shit anyway) thus i figured that whatever happens, is supposed to be happening. the world's supposed to be ending this way. we're supposed to be stressed and getting a lot of homework. what else can students do? what else can be the ROLE of students? it's like breaking the rule or climbing over the wall or sth. at firs there's a wall. then as humans, you want challenge, so you want to challenge yoursef to climb over that wall. it's always like this. if there's no wall, there's no improvement and advancement. okay to make it clearer. if there're no rules, there're no breaking of rules. if there're no breaking of rules,there're no rules. MAN THIS IS CONFUSING. okay so it's a circle. i feel like i'm just in this pessimistic phase or something, because i'm passively accepting everything that's happening.. oh. i rmb this quote. everything that happens isnt unnatural. think about it, isnt it quite true? sure humans have choices, and things are happening because humans made certain choices. but then again, these choices werent exactly choices because humans were kind of made to choose A instead of B. like you have 2 cows. one gives more milk the other less. you only have enough energy and money to raise one cow. which would you give up on? now here's a choice. seemingly a choice, and whatever your choice is is going to affec the future in some sense. but obviously the person will choose the cow that prodcues more milk. it's like, human nature plus "choice" = destiny or sth. it's also true if you see it another way. so choices arent exactly choices. everything that's happening has this damn good reason behind, which most of us will not know, and will not need to know. (damn i'm being pessimistic to be optimistic) i also thought of this on the bus this morning. some countries doesnt allow for gay rights now. and people are proesting against it. some advocating for gay rights and many stuff. but imagine this. if one day LGBTs are officially allowed worldwide, would you not think that one day, being LGBT might just become a "trend"? in which people purposely become LGBT to have fun and stuff when they are in fact not LGBT? when which LGBT might lose its real meaning? when which gay love is only fake and not real? what would that be, huh? but as usual, contradicting myself, maybe that is also when real LGBTs can be identifed more distinctly. erm, that was a bad phrase. because everyone else are fake LGBTs and you know you are a real one. tht's when a new era of "LET'S GIVE BACK MEANING TO LGBT" starts maybe. i'm like totally predicting the future? that's so random. okay. yeah. if i ontinue you;'re gonna find me annoying. so - ps. by the end of this post, if you're confused, dont worry. my brain is as organized as the post above, if u get what i mean.
6:15 PM
Sunday, February 15, 2009
man i cant stand not blogging. but then i survived without using comp for the past three days! i do feel accomplished. well just HAVE to spoil the record now, cuz there're just SO many things i want to blog about. no point writing it on paper then blog about it. monday. there was this big red sun. it was literally RED. it was beautiful. tuesday. NEVER BUY PEPPERMINT ICE BLENDED. IT'S HORRIBLE. IT'S BITTER. IT'S MORE BITTER THAT BITTERGOURD. wednesday. bushfire in bukit batok. (damn cool the trees at the top were like brown then the bottom ones were green) 157 took a different route that morning. realized bus uncle only knows the bus-route and had to call up another 157 uncle to ask how to go. i was so so enthu in wanting to know how the bus will go. IT'S SO COOL YOU KNOW WHEN A BUS GOES A DIFFERENT ROUTE cuz buses always go the same route. recycled a box full of bottles, among which are cans too. feel healthy and environmentally friendly, and thus happy. ytd night i felt the wind was so nice outside, that i want to camp out some night.. thursday. morning. 157 took the diff route again. and i alighted one stop before nanyang to go buy breakfast. you know what. the people on the bus gave me this "walau-so-kiasu" look when i pressed the bell and squeezed my way thru to the door. on of the people even took a second look at me and confirmed i was a nanyang girl who's supposed to get off the next stop. maybe they thought i want to get off one stop early so later i wont have to squeeze with those people who're getting off the bus. but what can i say, instant noodles as breakfast is sure appetizing. today we also met a very blur teacher who keeps saying monday instead of tuesday. ohyeah. i was being ridiculous and thought since there's this economic recession now, maybe i should go buy all the stuff i'll be needing to a few years, just in case things become like REALLY expensive in the next couple of years. but that sure is ridiculous and kiasu. what! it's just a thought. and u know what? the school's like telling us to not waste money on class tees and stuff due to this recession but then they insist we wear nanyang pe shorts from term 2 onwards. and many of us alr have fbts. so if the school really wants to help us with our money issue, then they should just allow us to wear fbts. if not, some people will still have to go BUY nanyang shorts. i know many people already have nanyang shorts but the point is they should just let it be. letting it be is the most save-money way. i have nanyang shorts now. but both are like loose like what, when i run the shorts can just drop. really. it almost dropped once. and now i have to go buy new ones. finally someone agrees that the canteen clock is unseeable! haha so happy today cuz i found two people who're real. they are nice people. (: great i finished this post.
8:34 PM
gah. i know i think a lot of stuff. and i know i always end up contradicting and confusing myself. but it's not like i CHOSE to contradict and confuse myself. my dad put it very crudely. i'm just this kind of person who'll end up confusing herself and i would have to live with it. maybe what he said is the truth. u know, i dont WANT to escape reality. i HAVE to escape reality. what reality's doing to me is too much and i am just suffocating under these immense amount of pressure, demands, and cold hard truths. i always confuse myself. so it is a rare occasion, also a happy occasion, when i finally come to terms with myself. such as: i'm unhappy with how the world works. but then i'll think, world-end is destined to be self-destruction by humans. then let it be, since it's destined, what can i be unhappy about? so there i was, satisfied with my own answer, happy that i finally agreed with myself. but then my dad just had to rub it in by saying "it's not self-destruction. if there were no humans there'll still be world-end" which is true. and that is the problem. the problem is that what he said does make sense. so he got me another thing to consider, right after i pleased myself. and he told me to think simple. see? i said the above event to prove that many times it's not myself making me confused, it's many external things that influence my brain that makes me confused. when i finally know how to get the answer, when i finally know what are the steps, you give me a similar qns, yet not all that similar, and i use that same method i used before, and i get the qns wrong, and that's when i get confused. for many times today i felt like giving up on being human. it's just too much to htink about. my brain'll just explode one day. i'll give up being human to take a rest. and i'll give up on math too. i know many people say that if i give up on math now, it's like math defeated me, cuz i gave in. however, being me who hate math, thinks otherwise. if i give up on math now, it;s not math who defeated me however, it's me who defeated math because i refuse to let math infiltrate my brain. i refuse to accept those weird formulas. i wouldnt use it in my daily life. i refuse to let math take control over my life. (see that's when it's contradicting because by saying this, it IS in fact taking over my life right now. so darn i shall shut up) i defeated math instead. see? that's how it works, the alternative. after a camp, you being a teacher, is exhausted, and ask the students to clean up. everyone's in a bad mood becasue everyone's exhausted but still has much to clean up. the students are doing a slow job, you feel like scolding them, venting. but before that, a parent of a student in your camp called, she scolded you. she scolded you for keeping them back for so long. you feel hurt because you put so much effort into the camp, and end up getting scolded by a parent. what would you learn from this? perhaps when i say this you'll be touched like i was. or maybe not, like my parents werent. but there is nothing bad with either. i just feel like sharing that there're actually some people who're so thoughtful, that she'll learn from the parent's scolding, how it feels like to be scolded after you have put so much effort into the camp. then she'll learn not to scold the students after the camp because that's how they'll probably feel too. and it's not a great feeling. the person also said that "actually when i htink about it, it's quite good. because i got scolded, so the students neednt have got scolded." now that's really not something anyone would say and think. i admire the person a lot. what do u think?
8:34 PM
Saturday, February 14, 2009
today is a happy happy day. but i start to dread when the thought of homework comes. i shall not face the reality and immerse in this happiness. only until the end of today. actually i can't. darn. but then again. it's just a day. a number. determined by human. how much difference does it make? u can always ignore the number. but it was the CHANCE. that just so happened to be on this number. and i didnt see it. how blind was i to miss it. everyone's saying valentine's day becoming more and more commercialized. somehow, i dont feel the commercial-ness. maybe it's because of the nice nice people in school who give out chocolates and sweets to everyone. people selling flowers on the streets. would you call that commercializing? perhaps yes.. want to make money. it's weird. i know they want to make money but SOMEHOW and i DONT KNOW WHY i just cant feel the commercialness of it all. it feels real to me. couples are going out. people are giving hugs. friends are spreading the love. stuff. anyway life in the modern world IS materialistic. we always have to look at things in context, according to history/IH. so in this modern context, even though people just buy stuff and eat expensive dinne, the spirit is still there becasue that is just how they celebrate it. yeah.. just how i feel. it might be due to my lack of watching TV that i cant feel the commercial ness of valentine's day. or maybe my interpretation of commercialize is to make more money due to reasons other than "making your loved ones happy". because it seems a humane thing to do.. somehow.
10:04 PM
happy valentines day to everyone (: doing cip on valentine's isnt so bad afterall. it was a lot of fun. and it's meaningful. yuxin and i we were so sian so we decided to dare each other to ask certain people for donations. people like qianbian looking people etc. u get the idea. then once we went to ask this group of footballers who seemed wu suo shi shi and like hanging around making lots of noise. but then realied they are nice people. it was damn funny. went like this: us: hi would you like to make a donation? one guy: ah very good. they all have a lot of coins. lai ya lai ya, take out all your coins! footballers: *dig for coins* the same guy: come on! you have coins man! thousands also can pay alr some coins sure have la! footballers: *continue to dig for coins and pass us coins* us: *laughs* thank you (sincerely) *half bowed, walks away* the same guy: eheh come back! i help you get more! us: *look at each other. laugh. walk back.* guy: *grabbed can and went to another team of footballers who were taking photo* come come! make some donations! *pass can around* *footballers start digging for money* ....... *hands back can with almost all of the stickers gone, except for one* us: *ASTONISHED* and amused. it was quite funny. and we learnt that people who seem not serious and playplay can be very nice. though some just rolled their eyes when we asked for donation. oh yeah. we also approached these 3 yound ladies who were giving free hugs. and they said they'll donate if we hug them. we didnt exactly want to hug them. so i said we were sweaty. a girl said "dont worry we all are". haha that was a very friendly thing to say. it's almost as if suddenly, we're of the same kind. on the same boat. haha. then yuxin and i stood there looking at each other dunno if we should hug them to get donations. then this girl said "okay i'll pay for your hugs" in this not-angry-de-"fine! wo he chu lai le!" tone. lol. then we were like, okay.. but they were really nice. and we also met this monkey head person. as in he was wearing a mascot thing, only on the head, and it was a monkey head. and also some other mascots wearing animal heads. it certainly felt weird, talking to animal heads. you cant even see their face. it just felt so funny. there was this guy who wore this quite cool jacket, yes on such a hot day, and it's that kind with a hood that's zip-up-able, and has like holes for eyes. funny. saw him on the road.felt like he didnt have a head. there were odd people everywhere. we saw some gay couples too. it was actually quite cool. there was this girl, who has a scary high forehead, and her eyes are like small or sth, her face just looks weird. and her hair also very weird. then she was with this other person. a girl. then that girl also dress like a guy, and her hair is quite guyish and stuff.. yeah.. yeah. OMG YES dad's coming back tonight. he's probably on the plane alr. he's reaching singapore at around ten plus. yayayay. borders has LOTS of nice cool books man!! just that it doesnt have the solitaire mystery which is in my top 5 next-to-read list, which is an imaginary list. i am currently thinking of setting up a library of philosophy books. it'll be so cool. this sounds desperate but i want to read all the philo books. as long as they are in english. incident of the dog seems nice too, at least from the first few pages. but then the guy's so mathematical i'm seriously wondering if i can stand it when i read the whole book. he's like "i carried the dog in my arms for 4 minutes and.." and "so i stepped back 2 meters..". AND i even came across A QUADRATIC EQUATION in the book. it sucks doesnt it. i think i hate quadratic stuffs more than algebra now. i dont understand QINE and ALL. yeah if i hadnt mention it, i shall now; QINE is not KIND at all. it's so true aint it? math is going to drag down my average by alot i'm guessing. and it's double weightage. i cant stand it. dont think of life as many days. life, or rather, time, has become so fast-passing, that you cant even divide time into days. what's the point of having days when even months are blurry. life is just one long day in which you sleep and wake up about 25thousand times. yeah i calculated. an average person (70 years lifespan) lives about 25 thousand and some hundreds of days. and from that i realized that, life IS short. is really short. okay i gtg to my homework now so ta. and happy valentine's day again!!
7:54 PM
Thursday, February 12, 2009
this is when i love you more than i love myself.
8:55 PM
i'm happy now. well not eaxctly. i was high after cca. somehow. cuz i found the score of when you believe and played it on the sheng. that's hwat made me happy i guess. but anyway. just want to blog about sth i was wanting to blog about during CO. if this is reality, then i want to escape reality. and for that reason, you may call me a coward. i cant face the fact that i have to endure all these for, maybe, and most probably, the rest of my life. these pressure, these stress, and demands of all sorts, all these money issue, everything. i am just another hypocrite. i hate the concept of money. but then again, how can i live without that concept? and what do i do without considering about the money issue? it's ridiculous. and the school. the school is even more ridiculous. every country. almost everywhere. they are ridiculous. and then i'm just this stubborn, stupid, anti-social, a freak, who just doesnt know how to fit in. and she's wondering how does everyone else do such a good job at fitting in, coping with almost everything. maybe i'm greedy. and selfish. i want time for my own stuff, not 24hours about school, about cca, about everything that's done for others. but everyone else seem very comfortable with their current life. well on the surface at least. i cant be sure. but why? maybe to everyone else, everything that's going on is everything to them. so of course they can balance their own life and meet the demands, because homework IS their life. it's just a neutral statement. however, i realized during CO, i have a much wilder.. thinking. or something. this is so hard to express. though i kind of like alr phrased it during CO but still.. i forgot. i realized that, going to a university isnt all that important. i can just hike in the forest, in the mountains, and stuff.. i love the wilderness. it's hard to find a zhi yin on that. it's sad. but then i decided. university isnt important. living in a house isnt important. what's important is that i get to lie down on the grass and be able to look up at the blue blue sky every day. and look at the sunrise everyday, and the sunset. beautiful sceneries are the most calming thing ever. they are also the most beautiful. jobs in cities are just too polluting. besides polluting your lungs, they pollute your brain too. like how to make more money with inhumane ways. primitives are almost the best. today during chinese we got to listen to this song call qing zang gao yuan. it was so nice. just that the CHINESE kind of destroyed the atmosphere. if only it was in the xi zang native language. cuz the stupid chinese reminds me of a woman doing recording in a studio, and that is not what qing zang is at all. i felt straongly about that ke wen. ke wen 16. i strongly agree with the writer. we humans are so.. kind of like haughty. i dont know if that';s the right word to use. got it off from dictionary.com. but anyway, we always think we have the best system of governing or ruling a place, to the extend that we must "colonize" other areas as well. actually, sure, there is nothing quite wrong with any system of governing in the first place. just that the more you think about, the more inhumane you get about your country's laws and stuff. i had thought about this: if you were to break down every bit of the society now, what you'll get is the very basics of human survival- happiness. you have so many laws, so many this that this that, what's it for? it's for happiness. you have money to be happy. you have a job to be happy. you have peace to be happy. and it's the same if you go vice versa. if "happiness" is fundamental, then you will want to achieve it and to do that you'll have laws and stuff. so it's like, it's inevitable. but that's just exactly how the world works imagine if the world works perfectly without these ironic stuff, what would there be for me to talk about? maybe the same goes for the World. a perfect world isnt perfect. there will need to be these rigid laws and rules anyway. remember from SIL, "walls are there for you to prove how badly you want something" if there are no walls, no one would have anything to go against. the rules and laws motivate you to break it. it is quite contradicting itself. and it's confusing too if you think in detail. so i shall avoid that. but man i shouldnt. ohwell nvm. during lang arts we had a discussion session which was very.. insightful. yeah, that's the word. people have diff views on ISD mainly cuz they have diff perspective. the JIs. what they are doing, is actually due to a good cause. just that theie METHOD of doing it isnt so humane. it compromises others' needs, quotes jan lee. yeah, there are extremists. they could just set up this society for all muslims, so they need not make a state and destroying countries and stuff. and then the teaher raised this point on right and wrong. and someone said there is no definite right and wrong. which i also strongly agree to. this is an obvious thing. what is right is only politically right. and they are only right because majority of the people feel that is the "right" thing to do. and minorities are wrong simply because, they are minorities! i once came across this image that had this sentence "that's so ____ (insert minority)!" and in the background of the image there were words like "gay" and "Asian" and "Black" and i cant rmb.. but you see, this is apparently a bad thing to do. just because they are minority you have to discriminate them. who said the majorities were good in the first place? we might be the ones who're really inhumane and all anyway. inhumane, a strong word to use, according to many. it's almost like saying that someone doesnt have a heart. however much maybe people say i think alot, i do not believe that many think very little. we might think about different things, but every tree has roots that stretch deep underground for water. in the rainforest, the roots though are on the surface, but are stretched. in the desert, the roots go deep deep underground. but all have roots and all roots tap water. that's what i believe. btw. yeah, art should not be graded. art should be anything anyone expresses. if you could grade art, i wouldnt see how vincent van gogh and many other artists have succeeded. even natalie has better skills than them. art is interpreted differently by everyone. there can be sova but there shouldnt be tests testing our interpretation of the artwork. it'll kind of be like.. brainwashing us. that goes back to my new-wave theory thing. every new wave comes in by itself, then somehow when it nears the shore, it joins other waves. at first everyone has a different interpretation of it, then after a lesson, everyone thinks the same about a painting. is that good or bad? and, maybe art should not even be interpretated in the first place. i'm sure many people misunderstood many artists' paintings. but human's never ending thirst for more knowledge, leads to us intepretating stuff. though listing possibilities, but still trying to intepretate. human's desire for more knowledge.. for me, it certainly doesnt lie in the area of mathematics. i just realized i hate math chem and physics classes. math class is like, an era of confusion. physcis, it's like we're never endingly rushing, blindly rushing. and chem.. chem is sure pungent.
8:55 PM
today is also english naturalist Charles Darwin's birthday. he was the one who coined "natural selection". that's quite significant. he was in introduced "Sophie's World". quite cool. i also heard it';s abraham lincoln's birthday. what a day in history. OMG FREAKINGLY FREAKING OMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOM OMG OH MY GOD. GUESS WHAT I DISCOVERED. JUST DISCOVERED. THEY WERE BORN ON THE EXACT SAME DAY IN HISTORY. SAME YEAR. THAT IS SOOOOOO CONINCIDENTAL> I WAS SEEING IF THEY WOULD HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY AND I THOUGHT "LOW POSSIBILITY" BUT I GASPED WHEN I SAW "1809" ON DARWIN'S PAGE AS WELL. OMG THIS IS SOO...
8:55 PM
i'm kind of like posting for the sake of posting right now. cuz i have nothing better to do. cuz my blog looks dead with that disturbing post in which i vented. so here's one to lighten the mood. INVESTITURE WAS FREAKY. and constipated. cuz everyone stood up and sat down at the exact same time, simultaneously. and that's not a redundant use of phrase/word because it's almost that precise. and the way they sat, and stood, damn straight, damn formal, damn LADY. damn gross. and you know there was one thing that's very qian bian. then 4 of them were practically in front of their seats but still had to walk one around to sit down. O.O oh yeah hysics was damn retarded. he wanted us to understand that ticker tape thing, so got me to pull the toilet roll, and bethanie to hold it, and he stood in the middle and clapped his hands down like the ticker tape timer, and he went "one period, one period, one period..." then everyone was laughing. he is SUCH a drama queen. but i dont understand ticker tape at all. i dont see how the concept relates to any question we did. was trying to draw how that trolley on the runway will look, but apparently how it looks like doesnt matter at all. ohwell. WE SAW OUR JUNIORS!! they're.. um.. quiet? havent really talk-talk to them yet. I CANT BELIEVE THEY TREAT US LIKE HOW WE TREATED OUR SEC 3 SENIORS BACK IN SEC 1!!! cant believe cant believe!! gosh. gah. it feels weird being a senior. it still does. EDIT: NAT GEO ROCKS.
8:31 PM
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
OMG TODAY WAS THE MOST HORRIBLE DAY I CAN REMEMBER, IN WHICH I WAS TOLD TWO COLD HARD INHUMANE TRUTHS. first, during physics, he said a very very shocking thing "pls co-operate i'm rushing to cover the syllabus." this really got me thinking. is education all about finishing the syllabus only? and it doesnt matter if some students dont understand the concept? i think not. education is NOT and should NOT be teachers just feeding students with info, and in fact FORCING them to accept the info. this is not education should be. education, even on the surface, should be about fully understanding informations we receive. understand thoroughly. then maybe on the deeper level, to understand WHY this information is useful for us. and understand HOW we APPLY it into our lives and what lesson we can learn from what information we're told. we gain more knowledge from there. if we just plainly accept information from teachers, and because they are rushing to finish the syllabus, we dont ask even though we dont fully understand, it defeats the purpose of education. i know that part of the reason why teachers dont go thru things when only a few students dont understand is cuz that most people alr understand and thus to others, he'll kind of be wasting THEIR time. but not the teachers, if they have a humane mindset, because a teachers job is to make students fully understand a concept, and answer quesitons. well we can accept that we're supposed to find out sth on our own when we dont unerstand, but if all the teachers expect us to do that so they can "save time in class", then i dont know how we can cope because it's not like we're not busy with cca and homework itself. and for so many people, responsibilities. and in the modern context, CIP, outside lessons and even RESTING. and we're encouraged to ask quesitons. but now, almost everyday, every lesson, when i have a question, i will think "the teacher is rushing to finish so i shant waste time by asking questions. then nvm.". fine it's considerate but is this supposed to be the attitude of someone who wants to LEARN?? and it's not like we're so free to find the teachers during lunch or sth, not like they are even very free. but actually teachers arent relaly to be blamed. since they have the responsibility and pressure to finish teaching what they have to teach. the problem lies with the government. the education system is neat and all-rounded, that i cant deny, but it's a lot too stiff. it's not flexible at all u see. there's no other way about it when you cant finish teaching, except for supplementary lessons to catch up and finish, just for the sake of finishing. u know how hard i try to tell myself i'm in school now because i want to learn, and not that i have to learn? i try very hard. but it's also very hard to convince myself on that point. either i really dont have interest in what we're learning, or. i dont know. i just cant get the motivation to continue studying. i would certainly agree on the point that what we're learning now might be too difficult for us. so what if we remove the syllabus for JC 1 and 2, and spread p1 to sec 4's stuff over twevle years to learn. would that be better? more time for less things, so we fully understand everything. would you rather be clear about less things or confused about too much? so people will have less knowledge about cheemology-math and science. but, think about it. the world's facing all these problems now, the economic recession, global warming, pollution, everything. almost everything is due to one thing: advancement in technology. and this advancement in technology is due to what? people becoming smarter and knowing more things. if we stop knowing so much things, we might actually be able to postpone the end of the world. so humans want to advance, make progress, development. but what are they for? isnt it all for living a better life? but if this "better life" we're talking about now does not require, or in fact, is opposing man gaining more knowledge, would we still want to progress like that? would we still force ourselves to take in so much information? actually, many things are controlled by human. like the concept of money. and what are the requirements to get into a certain university. and even what's politically right and wrong. these are all controlled by humans. however, these things that are so directly under humans doesnt seem humane at all, does it? talk about money. the second cold hard truth i heard today during cca. money is invisible. no that is not exactly what i heard but that was my takeaway from the conversation. i know there're such things as credit cards, etc, but i've always thought at least there's still this paper-money in the bank somewhere. just that these cards makes it easier for transferring money elsewhere and stuff. but apparently, this is not the case. there is actually no money in the bank. whatever REAL money you put inside, the bank used it elsewhere and thus ur money disappears. so somehow, after a long evolution, money becomes VIRTUAL. it doesnt exist as a matter anymore. i used to say "money. a concept. and some rotten pieces of paper." but now it cant be shortened into "money, merely a concept." it's really NO MORE than a concept now. it's invisible. and i dont see the point in living for invisible things that i am FORCED to believe in. that is the last reason why we should live on this planet. ao i am currently trying to convince myself that i dont need money to live a happy life. i can be happy too if i dont get to go to the usa. i will be happy enough with all the knowledge that i have. i AM happy with singapore honestly. erm, minus the policy of moe. i can be a beggar if i have no money. i will embrace each second i am a begger because, how many people will get to be beggers? and i can eat the leaves on the trees. i dont need mcdonalds. sure i can travel overseas. i dont mind sneaking onto trains, airplanes, swimming across the ocean, hiking up himalayas to get to india/china.. it'll be adventure. whatever happens, i wont hate it. but before that i must hate how world works to give me enough strength to do that. this sounds.. ironic. and makes me sound like a brat. but i am trying to convince myself. who doesnt want a happy life? and when i mentioned all those to my mum, she talked about communism. and now i suddenly support the communists. the rich had had enough (noun of enjoy) and maybe it's time for the poor to have a little advantage as well. it cant not be so sudden,. it can be like. an announcement. to say that "okay rich people. in two months time, communism will take place so while you are still rich., go do whatever you want to do and 2 months later everyone will be the same" and then to the poor people "in 2 months time you'll get to enjoy everything everyone else can enjoy. this will be the last two months in your life that you're going to be poor so bear thru it. at least what comes is better than what you have now, while for the rich, what comes will be worse than what they have currently. so have the strength to pull thru these 2 months." now it's fair to everyone. it's time for a change in how the world works. and the clock. i finally told the person in the general office. she said she will go look at it. she phrased it such a way that makes her sound as if she's gonna stand in front of the stalls and try looking at the clock to see if i was right. haha that kind of cheered me up a little cuz that was a humane thing to do. it';s really quite weird. hoe humans can actually do inhumane things. like so many things. and i realized this post is losing focus so i shall stop. but today i know two things. which i will not accept. i know i sound like a kid who's not grown up yet, and was JUST exposed to the cold hard truth og the world, and is commenting against them based on her naive or immature thoughts. or that i sounded admn selfish becasue everything was written from my perspective. but im quite sure i'm not the only one who feels this way. so hate me if you want to, but these are only what i think. you have the right to disagree. i have the right to argue with you. we have the right to fight over it. afterall, what we want is just a better World.
8:23 PM
Monday, February 9, 2009
haha i feel very nice cuz i'm taking time off to tell y'all about this. (i am so totally doing my math which i cant do at all.) but then it's very very gross. so if you're sensitive, just jump to the CONCLUSION, which i will put in red, so that u can spot it immediately, without having to look for it and in the event see some gross stuff. okay i shall make this clear it's not gross as in sick-gross, just gross. but it's REALLY FOR YOUR BENEFIT OKAY so read. we had chem lab first lesson in the morning today. and we did test for gases practical. one was so test for ammonium gas. so i was doing that, then yeah it's supposed to smell PUNGENT right? so then i sniffed at it once. how come i dont smell anything? then i sniffed harder. a little too hard. and i was quite sure it got well into my system. cuz i felt it in my windpipe/lungs i forgot which. zong zhi i knew it got into my system. i tried to cough and breathe it out but it was all in vein. then after lunch we had geo. and during geo i kept smelling ammonia. it was like really PUNGENT. and i kept smelling it, cuz it really went into my lungs or whatever. and just now as i was showering, here comes the gross gross bit. i unintentionally farted AND GUESS WHAT. i smelled ammonia. LIKE WHEW it was sure pungent. and that also proves that ammonia did get into my system. so in CONCLUSION when you do your chem lab this week or anytime soon, BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL WHEN YOU SMELL AMMONIA. if you sniff a little too hard, it will get into your system like it did mine. and it was gross. and it might be unhealthy. i felt the gas was so pungent it could certainly be unhealthy. so here's just a piece of advice. haha hope it helps. (: and i shall go back to my undefeatable math now.
7:33 PM
Sunday, February 8, 2009
from a very biased point of view and according to "harming no one, wherefore call them wrong", instead of homosexuality being a sin, heterosexuality should be the sin instead. because we are already facing overpopulation and if more hetero couples get married, there'll be more kids. hence more people. and thus harming the environment and the planet because one last thing we need on this planet is another million people. thus harming the world, thus call heteros wrong. whereas homo couples cant reroduce which is a good thing apparently, given the opverpopulation. and the fact that homos dont harm anyone/anything. in conclusion, from this warped perspective, heterosexuality is a sin while homosexuality is not a sin, and in fact should be encouraged. OKAY IGNORE THE ENCOURAGE PART.
8:16 PM
OMG WHAT THE HELL DID ANYONE READ THAT ARTICLE CALLED DENG FOR CHINESE NEWSPAPER HOMEWORK??? at first i wasnt so mad about it but the more i think the more it doesnt make sense and the more she suck as a writer, who is supposed to have good deep thoughts. i read her article and it shocked me like, YOU CALL HER A FAMOUS WRITER IN SINGAPORE? does singapore lack ren2 cai2 or what huh??? and i can SO write an essay on my du hou gan of her essay. i may not be as good as her in terms of language and stuff, but i think she's too shallow. or maybe i'm the one who's too shallow to fully understand her. either way, i want to write out properly why her article failed to me. and it's gonna be in chinese. and i'm handing it in. doubt the teacher will bother to read such a long answer that was supposed to be done on three lines. i shall just write out the main points here: 1. classifying students (generally humans) is a very shallow thing to do. quite. 2. calssifying students according to their attitude towards learning cant tell much about the students actually. 3. her classification can either be more general, or more precise, because her classifcation now is like somewhere in the middle, very uncomfortable. 4. her labels are too extreme. type 1 students are the best a teacher can imagine while types 2,3,4 are useless and have attitude problem and requires teachers to sth them. there's too big a gap between 1 and 2. while there is not much difference between 2,3 and 4 in comparison to the gap. 5. because of the above mentioned polarization, the writer gave the readers a wrong predictment or sth dunno how to express. when a passage says "four types of students", and u carried on reading and the first type it presents is the best, common sense tells you that type 2 is gonna be okay average students, type 3 a little not so good and type 4 the worst among these. however, when i reading her description of type 2 students, i actually thought: maybe type 3 students are better than type 2 students but not as good as type 1 students?" a reader should not get that kind of thought if it was a good essay. 6. her descriptions doesnt fit most people. i cant find many people that will fit into her classification. thus her classification doesnt work. 7. her tone told me that she thinks "being a little spare light bulb" is being useless. concept error. or just bad thinking. not implying that my thinking is good thinking but i feel from this that she's very shallow. not implying that i'm deep either. anything that exists has its significance and without any small seemingly insignificant thing, this world wouldnt function the same. from personal experience, one day i was trying to express how insignificant sth was and was trying to think of an item/anything that's insignificant represent it but i just couldnt think of anything. an ant? yeah sure there're so many ants but if ants have feelings, one ant disappearing from the World would cause that ant's many relatives and friends and stuff to be sad. an atom of gas? oxygen wouldnt pair up. compounds wouldnt form. unless apparently compounds form after the elements decided how many whatever they want to have. that's will a different story. so my mum said it was perhaps to explain diff people play diff roles in society. some not as significant as others, but still, if she really wanted to explain diff people play diff role in society, then she wouldnt have said all those. 8. i cant tell a teeny weeny bit from her article that it's written by a FAMOUS writer.
6:25 PM
god i find doing du bao lian xi damn stupid. they even had to assign you what you're to read. so it gets you to think, but it's still stupid. i dislike our country's way of teaching chinese. esp the recorded texts from the textbook. so fake. gah im procrastinating this thing. i rather do it for english newspaper, but chinese. ohyeah so have everyone heard, we're supposed to write a full proposal in chinese for chinese sia. that's like.. going to the moon.
4:16 PM
this weekend, i have a long to do list and a long homework list. the notebook page is filled to the brim. okay just a figure of speech but THAT INSPIRES ME!!! okay next week i'm gonna write the homework from bottom up. haha and next week i'm gonna request for less homework in every lesson cuz some people wont be free for the whole of saturday for example the 4 CO people in our class plus huiker plus softball people who all have cca in the morning. next week's gonna be a hectic week. more hectic than this week. 4 days of cca. plus lunch prac, most desirably every lunch. damn i gonna be soooooo busy. sigh. actually i rather just go for cca everyday and do nth else in school. or i rather just have say.. geo class everyday and nth else. or aep would do too. just that i dislike ISP. or practicals. weirdly, hater of history likes art history. but yeah, everybody else is just as busy. so i shouldnt complain. but in another sense, the more we should voice it out cuz i believe we are NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SO BUSY, in a successer's/philosopher's point of view, in which lisa does not equal to successer/philosopher. sigh. i hate this. yeah i have a good life other than this busy schedule i know i'm so much luckier than kids in poorer parts of africa... but does that mean i should stick to my schedule/list like a robot and embrace the fact that i can actually be healthily-busy? (maybe that IS what we're supposed to do.. ) i only have twelve hours today. seeing that i woke only at 9 this morning. and let's see what an average human being can accomplish in a short twelve hours. it's almost 6 in australia now. call this a saturated life? no way. not yet, anyway. ohyeah i'd like to ask a question: when people are good enough and/but wants to be even better, do you call them "shang4 jin4" or greedy? i'm really just asking, curious to know what you all think.
2:21 PM
Saturday, February 7, 2009
rmb a few days ago i was saying that the canteen clock's hands cant be seen clearly from far? so ytd i took a close look at the clock and guess what? the hands were merely 0.5cm thick/wide and it was this light/bright brownish color. sorry for being so ridiculous but i'm quite shocked by the fact that the school doesnt have enough common sense to get a clock that is clearly visible from far, esp when they dont want students to be late for class and for that reason actually set the clock 3 or 5 minutes faster. you know, the one in my house would do perfectly. LOL.
9:50 PM
but actually, i'm quite happy today (:
8:46 PM
some weird happened again. i walked out to get my towel. then i realized it's not there. weird, how come not there? maybe my mum's washing it. then i walked into the bathroom hoping there're other towels. then i put down my clothes on the railing thing, just as i was about to reach for a towel overhead, i saw the towel i wanted to use on the railing already. but that was certainly odd because i dont remember putting the towel there before i even showered and i also dont remember taking that towel when i first "walked out to get my towel". maybe i took it unconsciously and by the time i'm conscious, it's on my arm. so maybe my brain was slower than my arm, in the sense that my arm involunteerily took the towel but my brain only looked for the towel after my arm took the towel, so of course no towel will be there anymore. but still, it's odd.
8:42 PM
cca was creepy. cuz one time, i heard a breathing noise next to me. but there was no one there. and then, out of the corner of my eye, i saw this black figure climbing on the ceiling. it was so freaky. and mayxin said she felt cold breaths also. lol. nanyang primary school wushu is quite good. almost like very good. from a men2 wai4 han4's point of view that is. ohyeah there was sth horrible about the performance just now. they got sweet innocent (at least they appear to be so) little kids to sing some chinese new year song on fa cai-ing. they should at least get adults to do it! it's like teaching kids to be money minded you know. and i HATE HATE HATE irresponsible parents. esp those like really young ones. esp those young ones who abandon their child. it's like SO IRRESPONSIBLE AND INCONSIDERATE AND INHUMANE. number one, the child will suffer. number 2, they contribute to overpopulation by giving birth when they are apparently not ready for a child yet/giving birth to unwanted babies. i feel really grossed out by them gosh
5:06 PM
Friday, February 6, 2009
summarizing, humans go through all the trouble to be convenient. ohyeah there's sth cool during math class today. 0 divide by 0 equals to what? mingzhen asked this question. and our math teacher said, if 4 times 0 can give 0, then 0 divide by 0 can be 4. if -100 times 0 can give 0, then 0 divide by 0 can also be -100. isnt this so cool?? i mean, forget the fact that 0 divide by 0 is actually just undefined. cuz "undefined" makes it sound so boring cuz it's represented by a math sign that looks like a lying down eight. this is really quite cool. but then oddly, i refuse to admit it's cool because it's math and i dont like math. but it's cool as a philosophy. when it's not being represented by numbers and signs. but i cant think of any example right now.
9:35 PM
YAY YAY OMG I FOUND SONG OF CICADA!!!! IT'S SO..... PLAIN AND SIMPLE. i dont understand how the PIECE can have any connection with the painting!!! CHAN GE. go this link: http://mms.elibraryhub.com/SHC/Singapore%20Pages/NORA/Chua%20Ek%20Kay_Song%20of%20Cicada_1995.jpg and i also dont understand why i always end up doing things that.. kind of like affects people. i dont mean for it to affect anyone but then somehow i'll either hurt the person's feelings/insult the person/make the person think i'm weird that sort of things. i mean, mrs ee's really nice and all. like, REALLY nice. relaly really nice. but i just dont know why i have to do those stuff and feel that way.. makes me feel damn bad. relaly relaly really really bad...
7:43 PM
Thursday, February 5, 2009
GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FEEL LIKE ... LIKE... I WANT TO LIST OUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE A MILLION TO DO THINGS THAT ARE NOT ON MY TO DO LIST. FEEL SO CONSTIPATED. SO MANY THINGS. I CANT BREATHE ONCE AGAIN. I REALIZED I DONT EVEN HAVE TIME TO THINK ANYMORE. IT'S JUST ALL ABOUT SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL. SEC THREE SUCKS LIKE THE BLACK HOLE. AND MANY TIMES THIS WEEK WE WERENT RELEASED ON TIME FOR LUNCH/RECESS. SO MUCH WORK. SO MANY DEADLINES TO MEET. REQUIREMENTS. COMMITMENTS. WHATEEVER> ONE DAY I WILL JUST GO MAD I SHALL BE DAMN EXTREME AND COME UP WITH A HUGE LIST LIKE HUGE>. HUGE> I MEAN IT. HUGE. I FEEL SO FRUSTRATED> I NEED TO SEE THE LIST, GET THINGS DONE, CROSS THEM OUT, AND FEEL RELIEVED> OR I WILL JUST EXPLODE OR STH> GAH. I. NEED. A. LIST. OMG I FEEL SO DDAMN ANGRY> IT"S NOT LIKE I WASTED TIME ON WEIRD THINGS I MEAN BLOGGING DOESNT COUNT CUZ IT'S THE ONLY THING I HAVE LEFT OF MY LIFE NOW. AND THE GFACT THAT I SLEEP EARLIER THIS YEAR. WHAT, IS THERE SOMETHING FUCKING WRONG WITH SLEEPING EAERLY AND WAKING UP EARLY??? I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BLOG? I DONT HAVE TIME TO JUST STAND IN THE RAIN TO GET DRENCHED? WHERE'S LIFE? WHAT'S LIFE? HOW'S LIFE? BAD. SUCKS. u know what? today two teachers said the same thing: forcing -> no happiness. yeah. i think that's clifford's big idea for today. dont force yourself to do things. i really relaly relaly feel like going to school late tmr, so i font have to wake up damn eraly in the morning. and u know what i'm already breaking my own rule of sleeping at 9 now. whatever i dont care anymore because thanks to everything, i have so much to do and so much to vent. SURE I'M BEING REALLY STUBBORN CUZ I REFUSE TO GIVE UP MY TIME ON BLOGGING TO DO SOME STUFF AND YADA YADA BUT I DONT CARE JUST WANT TO VENT IT ALL. AND DONT SAY I'M SO SELFISH CUZ I CHOOSE TO VENT IT OUT CUZ I WANT TO PLAY MUSIC LIKE FULL BLAST BUT FOR MY DAD'S GOOD I'VE DECIDED AGAINST IT U KNOW HOW BADLY I WANT TO BLAST MUSIC NOW. GAH. yeah whatever i will most probably get over it by tmr morning or so i hope. else i'll go school and scream. AGH. and go to the go and tell them about the damn clock in the canteen. fine, tell me my eyesight's bad. u know, right now i'd rather list things i want to do before i die, than to finish that damn math questions and u know what? they're only for practice and we had to get a damn book for it? what a waste of paper and money. sometimes i just cant stand how the school wastes paper. like relaly waste. good freaking example is when they ask which language of parents letter, chinese of english, and there's this reply slip rmb? and then the next thing the school did, was to give this parrents letter in BOTH languages. LIKE TOTALLY WHAT THE HELL.
9:38 PM
elementary math isnt so elementary and a-math is just horror. i just hate math cuz i dont see the point in learning those cheem stuff. and robots are nth but evidence that people are becoming lazier. it's funny u know, how humans would rather spend energy to invent a robot than do their own housework.
8:50 PM
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
apparently i have a lot of feelings today. cuz i have many posts. lol it's so nice that 201 kinda reunited after school today. at the bench there. 201ers who walked pass and saw us will stop and stay and talk. and then when we started singing the saints song, i suddenly felt that 201 spirit again. after a few months... it was such a nice feeling (:
8:33 PM
this post is dedicated to my mum. how nice. she's getting more and more... i dont know how to describe.. it's like ytd morning, i missed the 157 double decker. cuz due to mum's theory leaving at 6:05 will be gan tang. but apparently it's not and who knows if the bus will come early. but that isnt the point. cuz after a long while, came a single deck normal 157. and it was so full, the bus driver didnt even bother to open the door at the front, when there're like around 8 people waiting at the door to get on. then everyone just oh.. and walk away. while my mum was totally over reacting. like. oh no! then what if you're late? what if the next bus comes and it's full too? then you'll be late! then she was like kept complaining. so annoying. AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DID EVEN? she went to call my dad who's still sleeping, and asked him to get ready to send me in case i'm late. and she even said "the thing im afraid most of now is, the next bus comes and is as packed..." IT TOTALLY SOUNDED WRONG. it sounded like what a hospitalized patient's doctor would say: the thing we're most afraid now, is that the bad cancer cells would start spreading. WTH? it was 6:30. before that she asked me if i wanted dad to just send me but i alr said no. and then she still went to call and talk in front of all the people waiting at the bus stop. it was SO embarrassing i had to walk away. and it's not like if i'm late i'll be the only one late. if many people's late and we have this same reason, it should be okay. but then apparently my mum's damn selfish. fine i know she;s doing it to wei wo hao whatever but she totally didnt have to get my dad to send me esp when he still sleeping just in case im late. it's not like being late's the end of the world or sth. even I wasnt so extreme about my "dont be late once" goal for this year, and she had no humane reason to, cuz she's not extreme as far as i know. and then just now, she said that she figured "JCs are starting school so the bus will always be this crowded. i think in the future just let dad send you." i was like SHOCKED. HOW CAN SHE CHOOSE TO ESCAPE FROM THE CROWD AND MAKE DAD SEND ME? it's like.. escaping from.. life. i feel disgusted by her, like really. oh and apparently she's obsessed over dad and mentioned dad equal to or more than two times during dinner. so annoying. but it's weird. she doesnt exactly spare a thought for dad. ohwell that should be expected since she doesnt spare a thought for anyone else. i think frankenstein's really good, cuz it portrays like RESPONSIBILITY a parent have when they "created" a human.that is exactly what many many parents lack. i'm not saying my parents lack the sense of responsibility, just general. but my mum IS not a great example of how one should behave. and i say that seriously. by the way, BLAST FROM THE PAST is a really good movie too.
8:09 PM
SUGGESTION #1 paint the hands of the clock in the canteen VERY black so that we can see from far. cuz it's sometimes un-see-able now. SUGGESTION #2 leave a line after each name of course that's 2 lines on the left hand side menu bar on LMS cuz very hard to see then look like combined with the next name alr.
5:51 PM
i went back into the rain. finally. after some months. it was windy at first. then i stopped to embrace the wind, listening to life is wonderful. haha then i walked slowly. the breeze was so nice. it was getting darker. it was going to rain. i just couldnt BEAR to go back home. such nice weather is certainly not to be missed. so i stayed downstairs at the carpark. and found a good place to sit. unglamly. that's what i like about nanyang skirt. haha jc skirt too short to even sit with legs open lol and played songs on the phone. and lianed my fingerings with the score. and enjoyed the wind. it was soooo nice!!! that was what i called life. ahhh~ (god it feels odd to use that ~ thing but then nth else can represent that feeling lol) then i saw this raindrop fall onto the ground right next to me. i had papers with me so had to rush into the void deck, or as taxi companies would call it, the lobby. (funny right.) then i rmbed. stand in the rain. stood for a long time and videoed raindrops. splatter splatter splatter. splatter.. splatter.. then the rain got heavier. and heavier. splat splat splat splat splat splat splat... there was wind it was cooling.. more of cold i should go in. and i went back. then the rain got even heavier. oh darn since i'm alr drenched it wouldnt hurt for a little bit more right so then i put down my stuff and went into the rain again. for one last time. i felt cold but ahh that was so good. then there was thunder. scary. i'm phonophobic. and i decided the jacket needs to be washed. and that i can wear my illegal jacket tmr. i love that pullover. but it's gotten thinner since australia. according to dad, the heater absorbed all the "moisture" from it and thus it feels thin now cuz it's dried up. SO SAD U KNOW!! but i certainly had the time of my life.
5:10 PM
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
crap i feel bad. rather she scolded. well here's a question: would you rather feel bad or feel angry at someone?
9:04 PM
I HAVE SUCH A LAME JOKE TO SHARE. can't wait!!! hahahaha btw, anyone know what's wrong with the comp when it crashes when some songs are playing? like when i play this song on itunes/blog/youtube, then the comp will suddenly have this scary blue screen, and the song playing will sound like it's tape got stuck that kind of thing, playing the same sound continuously, and i have to press the on/off button. it's so scary. ANYONE KNOWS WHY THIS IS HAPPENING?? maybe the comp hates me. ): i'm like so paranoid now have to pause the music whenever i play it on youtube to prevent it from crashing and i dont even dare to go itunes. our physics teacher is getting better. lol as in more interesting. he's like, you have to be emotionally ready, psychologically ready, and physically ready then u can start timing the oscillations. O.O IH and GEO is gonna get really interesting.
8:40 PM
it's weird. i have a lot to say but i can say nothing.
8:21 PM
YES!!! * PUMPS FIST INTO AIR* I FINALLY FINISHED THE LOGO DESIGN!! IT'S BEEN ON MY NOTEBOOK FOR LIKE FOUR FREAKING WEEKS FINALLY CLEARED IT. how last minute huh. and being a perfectionist, it bothers me to see the logo cuz it's just so IMPERFECT. there's this RIDICULOUS BLACK LUMP AND HOLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HEART IT'S DAMN UGLY UGHHHHHHH cant stand it. so gross. and the paper there is like torn. so i covered it using blutack and paper. out of sight, out of mind.
7:10 PM
Sunday, February 1, 2009
quote an anonymous English language writer on homosexuality: harming no one, wherefore call them wrong?
5:05 PM
ohyeah. i had this horrible and frightening dream just now as i was taking a nap. must be from the terror of math. lol i dreamt that we went somewhere, like it was this big room or sth, a house, then was somehow given like this big white knife. those roundy short knives, not the sharp pointy ones. it looked scary, it was white, bright, sharp blades and all. then it was like night time or sth then we had to rush home. and to get home we had to pass this forest thing. and it was dark. it was at night. it was the woods. and we had knives. and as we were running we were all saying how afraid people would be if they saw the bunch of us running thru the woods with knives. and we were afraid too, since it was dark and foresty. and scary. then we reached this like peak of the hill or sth. then i suddenly saw this ghost girl, wearing a red dress. she was like transclucent. that was the first time i seen a ghost. then i told the person beside me and pointed at the ghost to her. she said she didnt see anything. i felt afraid. she went to lie at a huge tree trunk. and somehow i went to the girl and starting slashing her. human instinct to destroy ghosts yeah. then the ghost gril was like just weak and tired and maybe a little ghostly and scary but on the most part she wasnt a scary and harmful ghost. i couldve let her off! but somehow i just kept slashing at her, hoping to kill her. then she struggled a bit, and then died. i ddint feel much. after that i killed another ghost this sounds so impossible how do you kill a ghost?? but then the weird thing was, the ghosts were 3D. like when you look at them they seemed transclucent, like just air and soul or sth, but they were touchable. u could slash at them. i was feeling so scared after i killed the 2nd ghost. and the weird thing was, there was no blood on the blades, only some like dust.it was weird. i looked around and saw people all around slashing at stuff. like some were using all their strength to slash some grass at the trunk of a big tree. and i didnt know why. it was very.. mysterious. (now i think it was that everyone was killing the ghosts they see but no one else could see. that makes sense.) then somehow we all finished and all ran off again together until we finally reached our houses.i was so afraid i didnt want to sleep. i hated myself for killing those 2 cuz they seemed harmless and all why did i have to kill them??? and now who knows what the soul or the ghost of the ghosts are gonna do to me. and somehow it was the 2nd day in the bright morning. i have no idea how. the end. what a weird dream. and scary. and felt so real. i was almost sure i'll be afraid for the rest of my life.
4:41 PM
GAH I HATE MATH I HATE QUADRATIC INEQUALITIES IT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE AND I DONT SEE HOW ANYTHING WE LEARNT IN MATH CONNECTS WITH ANYTHING ELSE WE LEARNT IN MATH LIKE SO WE LEARNT THAT DISCRIMINANT THING THEN WHAT IM NOT SUPPOSED TO APPLY IT INTO QUAD INEQUALITY RIGHT SO THEN WHAT IS IT FOR ITS LIKE LEARNING ONE BLOCK HERE ONE BLOCK THERE NO CONNECTIONS AT ALL AND I DONT FREAKING SEE HOW WHAT WE RE LEARNING NOW CAN APPLY TO OUR DAILY LIVES MAYBE EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT MATH IS HORRIBLE AND IT TEACHES US NOT TO BE MATHEMATICIANS WHEN WE GROW UP
4:16 PM
Yours Truly To put it negatively, I am just yet another human being on this badly overpopulated and ruled-by-money Earth, but on the bright side, I am proudly from 201'08 and I love 201'08.(: I love my CCA.(: I have big dreams.(: I believe in Squigglerism.(: I like using the penknife. It is convenient and neat.(: I am more than glad to be in Singapore, letting me be more than satisfied with life.(: Exits
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