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welcome to my blog (: The BLOGGER'S Rights: 1. To blog about any content that is humane. 2. To blog about any content that is not against the law to blog about. 3. To express her own thoughts. The READER'S Rights: 1. To ignore any posts that he/she feels is offensive. 2. To not read this blog if he/she finds it disturbing/annoying/revolting. 3. To give any comments on any contents on this blog. 4. To express his/her own thoughts.
Monday, March 30, 2009
so many people are becoming stressed and emotionally unstable nowadays. the Earth is so amazing but regretfully, the world sucks. i want to read the Bible. the children's Bible cuz it looks colorful and nice. but my mum wouldnt let me get it.
7:13 PM
Sunday, March 29, 2009
man vs wild is good motivation. so is obs. so is conquering hou ban pai.
10:13 PM
technology doesnt always look better these might be the last few posts i can write before i turn insane
12:30 PM
OMG i have the notes to the 6pm school bell now! ytd lixian gave me the first few notes so i continued from there so i cant say i figured out. but i think it lacks a phrase or sth, it feels short: A D DEFD F FGAA D CDCA A DCAGFG AGFEDAD EFD yayayayay! go try it on your piano/guitar/recorder! haha and if you have a piano, try it with pedal, it sounds SO NICE. just like the school bell. somehow, the bell makes me feel happy and homely.
10:54 AM
Saturday, March 28, 2009
i can. but i dont want to. it's blocking out all emotions and just studying. like what Jade did. but it didnt do her good cuz she got split-personality in the end. when conditions are extreme enough, i'll do that. but right now, i shall just hold on to the fact that i survived obs even with all the "i cant"s and serious "i want to give up"s.
7:14 PM
hell what's monetize? i need a break. for all that i can rmb, i've lost: my wallet my phone my wallet my jacket my phone (again) but im quite sure it's still in school. oh hell. and they scold me like i want to lose them. linear law sucks. i dont see the point. you can perfectly plot a graph with some values in physics, so why cant you in math?> in stead, you need like such cheem things like X and Y to make a damn graph. i hate math. here's a question: why must we change a curve graph into a straight graph? answer: oh yeah. because everyone's straight. WHAT THE FUCK. A CURVE GRAPH IS AS EASY TO LOOK AS A STRAIGHT ONE CUZ, even when you're looking at a pretty straight graph, the x and y axis are totally somehting different and you have to mentally convert them so you understand. and with all the high tech stuff, u can draw a perfect curve graph. what the hell's there to worry about? it's so pointless. i will live on acelearning. i hate life. i have seen everything life has to offer. and suming up in one word: death. this is so crap. i'm tired. give me a break. and i dont understand what's the fucking problem with YOU you know. who takes one afternoon to finish painting? do you have to sigh so loudly? and you call us silly for staying there to paint. well, if i stayed there to do math you probably wouldnt call me silly would you? you're the one who's fucking stupid i tell you. and the discussion we had during geo ytd. it was so good. could say all that i want to say, WITH SOMEONE WHO WILL ACTUALLY LISTEN AND MAKE A REPLY. i appreciate that so much. never knew he was such a teacher but this year we knew and we appreciate that a lot, alot. well. it's true. here's what i think of singapore after all the constructions and stuff. SHE DOESNT WANT TO SEE A SINGLE GRASS. once she sees a grass, she'll go crazy and think OH NO I'M WASTING SPACE! I SHOULD PROBABLY SET UP A COMMERCIAL BUILDING ON THE PLACE WHERE THE GRASS IS SO I CAN MAKE MONEY INSTEAD!! what the fuck yeah. all they care about is making money. commercialized world. life revolves around figures, numbers, money. i'm bipolaric. i can be so happy one second and than get totally pissed with everything the next. like now. and before. i was dreading it. i knew my parents would make a big fusss out of my "i left my phone in school" just cuz i recently lost my wallet and my jacket. i know no onw would want to see me rambling on like thisso i figure no one would actually read these posts anymore. "you arent optimistic" "well, i used to be" "until i finally seen thru the core of the world and figure life is nothing but a bitch." and i am not using "World" anymore because i have freaking lost repsect for the goddamn world. it's full of evil. lurking everywhere you never know. friends. friends make the world seem a whole lot better. but only when you're with them. we were never meant to face the world alone. that's why there're hell lots of people? no that wouldnt make sense. hell im talking crap not making sense that book has a bad ending. all the things seemed so clever but the ending is just anything anyone can pull off. maybe the writer got sick of writing it so just gave a crap ending. there could have been a twist. OHYES HOU BAN PAI! omg we did it!!!! we did it ytd for the first time in our lives! for the whole thing! and today when we went thru t i was all conscious and listening out and i was so sure we did it right!!! OMG SO PROUD OF US XIAOHAN!!!! it's like we mastered it overnight. both of us. simultaneously. AMAZING. we still couldnt do it on thursday but we could on friday!!!! GOD after like 4 months! WOOHOO!! i'm not letting linear law brainwash me. if you see it my way, it's this: if i learn a math concept, it means the person who has came up with it has successfully brainwashed yet another human. and i dont want to be brainwashed by something i hate and someone who's so bored. so i am resisting it. whatever you say. cuz the teacher's just not encouraging at all. she doesnt give a damn. "a great teacher inspires" said the ptm thing. well. so far. hey i realized there're a number who has. i actually think nanyang has done well in this aspect you know. inspiring us. well, by the wrong way, just that. they inspires us to be oppositions by giving us hell load of work to do. um. nvm it's getting long and late and ohGOD i cant. i want to scream . and run and run and away from home into someone else like a spirit like janet i hate this world i dont want to do this anymore
7:14 PM
Thursday, March 26, 2009
environment is coming down HARD on me. and yes i'm still alive, if you just had to treat me like a piece of glass. i dont get it. people arent depressed exasperated cuz they have long gotten used to this world and have settled deep into the rabbit's fur and are not thinking about stuff, or are they so much stronger than i am? i really hope we dont have to do projects and sias. because i just cant work with other people. because i will be so sick of it all midway and i just feel like screaming at everyone "LOOK IT'S YOUR DAMN GRADES IF YOU WANT THOSE REPRESENTATIVE NUMBERS THEN YOU JUST WORK FOR IT YOURSELF, OKAY? I DONT WANT THE NUMBERS SO I DONT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT IT AND I'M OUT OF IT NOW." but i can never say that to anyone because 1 not likethe school will let me pon a project or do a project by myself or 2 not like i have the courage to say that to anyone. and i have planned my night. from now till 2am: hssrp, physics, chem from 2am to 4am: sleep from 4 am: continue work if not finished 6am: leave house for school i am emotionally unstable. if you havent figured that out by now. so dont take any of the things i say here too seriously. or just seriously. because one time i can be FUCKING mad at maths and the world and then the next i'm having fun and laughing. and it's sounds shocking and scary but i want to have a split-personality, just to show everyone the impact of whatever on me. obviously i know showing everyone the impact it has on me will make no difference to nayone, nor will the world change for the better, and i will just suffer on my own, but, i guess it's a way of taking a break from life maybe. imagining you're someone else who's fake. that's what i got from the book it's making me go mad. but then i like to go to extremes, just to tell others how far i can go if you arent careful with your words. like today, when i blasted after mrs ee said we need to be even louder. and i had said before that to xiaohan and lixian that i will blast if she asks for some more. and then she asked for it. so i give it. told you i'm an extremist. and you're such a coward you know. you escaped from it. you're afraid you'd be caught. so you run away first. you take shelter. and have a lookout. and when you think things are not going the way you've predicted, when you think things are safe, you come back. that is a relaly smart thing to do, really. i would have never thought of that. because i'm too simple-minded in a negative way. and the block tests. well. DO THEY WANT US TO FEEL THE PRESSURE OR NOT? if their purpose of spreading them all out over a FREAKING MONTH which is EXTREMELY retarded, is to let us relax and feel less tension by the tests, THEN FACE IT, YOU'VE FAILED. you know why? because YOUR PLAN IRONICALLY COMES WITH THE FACT THAT, WE'LL HAVE TO LEAVE OUR TABLES one by one FOR A MONTH. and you tell us to "chill, relax"?? what CRAP. i swear i'll ask them one day what's their purpose of spreading out their tests. and this psychology, cant be avoided. so it's not OUR freaking problem. i am seriously emotionally unstable. once i start on something, i'll get freaking annoyed and start rambling. but if i aint provoked, it's alright. like, you know how the black white thing works? when one thing gets extreme, the reply will be also extreme. FOR PERFECT EXAMPLE: school gives loads of work. we have loads of work. human nature: complain. procrastinate. dont wanna do. gives more. WHAT THE HELL EVEN MORE. gets angrier. dont wanna do. gives EVEN more. OKAY THAT'S IT YOU KNOW WHAT i'm not doing it anymore. see that's how it works. for me, at least. but then i'm sure there're others who'll feel this way. just that maybe others will instead get motivated by the large amount of things to do. and teachers, teacher who're rushing for time for syllabus, has scarred by zi zun xin. ever since ms teng, well, around there, i lost interest in asking questions. because i have learnt from numerous cases that it's either 1. people dont have time for your questions 2. people dont undertsand your questions 3. people find your questions un-answerable 4. people dont see a point in answering your question 5. people give you an answer so complicated that doesnt in the end answer your question. so i have gave up on asking any quesitons. i have learnt to save my energy. but now, i dont learn anything. and i dont understand anything. so now i'm going to have a list of questions, and i can assure you it's going to be a very long list and i will make sure i ask every single question on the list. i hate hate hate school now. life is a bitch. it is so true. life is damn pointless. after everything, we die. so what if we contributed to society? the WORLD still ends. nothing happens for a good cause. they just happen because they happen. i dont see why should anything happen in the first place. we die in the end. we all die. even the world dies. so what's the point in doing anything? not like i can carry all my blog entries with me to the grave either. it's retarded. i felt the presence of death. i'm sure. it was scary. and you wouldnt want to think too deep into it when it's around because if you do, you'll fall into its grip. damn i feel bad. i feel bad for shouting at them. i hate myself for doing it. i hate myself for everything i do. i just hate myself. and i want to die. not in the p5 way when we start to know psle. no in the immature p5 way. but in the i-have-seen-thru-life way. what a big thing thing to say, i know. because i'm mad. i'm insane. i cant think normally. i have tried to lay out what i;m going to do with mylife. one. accept the facts of the cursed world and be like everyone else. two. be myself and live a good life. (it seems so impossible) three. i cant even put it on my blog. they will arrest me for sure. but i can tell you if you havent lose your dignity and ask. not as if anyone would even care to ask in the first place. but anyway it's something so bad you wouldnt want anyone to turn into. in fact, you hope the world will be free of them. i hate math. somehting is only basic when you need it to do something else. i hate everything on earth. there're loads of nice people, sure. just too hard to find, too hard to know if they're true, too hard to find trust in. only some months ago i was telling another person that she has to find trust in others. if only i can tell myself that. i like cca. cca is a way of relieving because 1. i know where i'm going and what i'm achieving 2. i can see the wanted effect 3. i can work towards my goal literally and physically 4. it is not complicated like EVERY THING ELSE ON EARTH 5. i know i will feel pleased when i achieved it. and all these, because i dont find them in academics. not one. i think maybe going for cca is the one thing that will keep me sane now. like, almost really hundred percent true. ponning class is actually very fun. you wont know until you've tried it. they better let us have the choice to take h1 math. else i wont take it at all. h2 is just too smart for someone dumb like me to understand.it'll be a waste of time for the teacher to have me in class anyway. my mum said if i continue to blog at this rate she'll confiscate the tablet. i rather she do that actually. so i dont have to do researches and stuffs. i need to learn to control my brain. and my thoughts. and feelings. afterall i pulled through OBS. i didnt expect it to be such a huge motivation. (split personality occurs when you block certain things out. then you come up with another of yourself with a completely different identity who doesnt have any of the problems the real you face in the real world. the split-person if your escape. that's why i'll need that because i cant cope with the real world. it's way too much for a disneyism-supporter to cope.) well ps dont take any of the stuff too hard i'm emotionally unstable
9:11 PM
Monday, March 23, 2009
I WANT TO DIE THIS INSTANT.
10:03 PM
haha i like my new wallet. my dad kind of chose it. does anyone have sticker-stamps? lol and physics is hard man. LIFE IS HARD. hard hard hard unless i dont mind begging on the floor in a hot day (global warming) burning my scalp off. OHYES. since beggars cant be choosers and we doing the exams are equivalent to beggars, cuz we're sort of asking for marks, then, we shouldnt be choosers which means, we should not choose answers for mcqs! OMG THAT IS SO DAMN SMART. i thought of it during chinese, when we were doing that damn hard revision ex. yeah, like everything else isnt "damn hard" yeah.
9:44 PM
da bian. facebook is addictive.
8:48 PM
BUT I DONT FREAKING WANT TO GO FOR GLOBAL CLASSROOM PROGRAM! AND WHO WANTS TO GO CHINA WHEN YOU GO THERE AVERAGE EVERY ONCE IN THREE YEARS WITH YOUR PARENTS? i'd so much rather do work experience. someone tell me what would happen if i pon global classroom program.
7:57 PM
Sunday, March 22, 2009
"Save lives, sterilise." sure you have seen this before.
4:23 PM
Saturday, March 21, 2009
u know tokyo drift? visit this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fE4FLy93Bzo&feature=related funny man.
11:45 PM
OHMYGOD THERE WAS A RAINBOW! JUST NOW! WHEN IT WAS CLOUDY!!!!!! RAINBOW ON A CLOUDY DAY!!!!! GOSH AND I SAW IT EVEN BEFORE IT CAME OUT AND TOLD MY MUM BUT SHE DIDNT BELIEVE ME HAH SEE I KNEW IT WAS A RAINBOW OMGOMGOMGOMG SO COOL RAINBOW ON A CLOUDY DAY!!
7:49 PM
Friday, March 20, 2009
SINGAPORE DOESNT HAVE ANYTHING AND JURONG POINT SUCKS. singapore doesnt have one disney classics cd two the little prince. they only have one hsm3 two twilight. so it's all about making money huh? even so, they didnt think about HOW to make money. if every shop sells mainstream stuff like that how do they make money simultaneously? and jurong point. sucks. they have around 4 shops exactly like TS, only selling VCDs and DVDs of english chinese korean japanese hongkong movies/drama. loads and loads of them. but not one music CD shop. they have popular and harris. but no little prince, which is SUCH a famou book. i dont believe they're "sold out" form what i learn from singapore today. they're more like never got imported into singapore before. they also have actioncity and minitoons, which are about the same. every shop there is like one or two other shops. it's so pointless. jurong point is damn big and confusing. the old one is so so much better. it's so hard to find a damn shop. once you're inside, you can never understand how the damn building can be extended at all. the extension sucks like hell. and jurong point is full of people. my dad even said it seems like there's more ppl in jurong point than in a mall in china. which would be quite impressive. and jurong point ext has a RIDICULOUS starbucks. it seems okay on the inside but u stand outside of the mall, and u see a HORRIBLE image: the starbucks logo (of the cashier) isnt centralized in the window. it's so gross. there's this huge glass thing window and starbucks the logo is like to the right right right of it. damn gross. and i relaly dont understand how singapore's gonna accomodate more people. 334 comes once in 3 minutes or so during peak hours and it's already so crowded each time the bus comes. you tell me singapore needs another 2 billion people i tell you the 334 will never move out of the interchange. traffic wont even move on the roads with another 2 billion ppl. more people will be jobless. more people will suffer. and u are trying to reclaim land but how much can you reclaim? there's a limit. it's time for the rest of the World to face a cold hard truth, instead of me, and it's that, WE ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE ON EARTH AND SORRY IF IT DISAPPOINTS YOU BUT WE DONT NEED ANY MORE. Damn World. Poor Planet Earth.
10:35 PM
ohman i feel so retarded. i pressed shift+AC when the calculator is already off. and my brain knew it was off. O.O ohoh AND guess what. i saw tray TWICE in two days. ytd i saw her at the bus stop and this morning my mum spotted her, she was just walking pass behind me in the food center. and mum said she look frail and stuff. lol. cuz she was skinny and carrying a lot of things. but i guess she has developed better fashion sense now. AND as a remembrance, today, FRIDAY, is the first time i felt like i'm living a holiday.
6:04 PM
Thursday, March 19, 2009
taiwanese (non-ou-xiang) drama suck because they ALWAYS have creepy music. music that shows yin mou behind. like, in EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF EVERY SINGLE NON-OU-XIANG DRAMA. can almost swear. that's why i hate them. and i think from there i formed the impression of taiwainese being very mean and evil and yin-mou-ish. B.T.W. 13 government agencies, 37 educational institutions, including HWACHONG INS, 54 hotels, 182 companies, including coca-cola company singapore, singtel, dbs bank, 79 buildings and monuments, including IMM, esplanade, and 15 NGOs and associations from singapore alone are participating in the Earth Hour. visit this link: http://www.voteearth2009.org/why/ of if you're lazy, i'll post it here: "This year, Earth Hour has been transformed into the world’s first global election, between Earth and global warming. For the first time in history, people of all ages, nationalities, race and background have the opportunity to use their light switch as their vote – Switching off your lights is a vote for Earth, or leaving them on is a vote for global warming. WWF are urging the world to VOTE EARTH and reach the target of 1 billion votes, which will be presented to world leaders at the Global Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen 2009. This meeting will determine official government policies to take action against global warming, which will replace the Kyoto Protocol. It is the chance for the people of the world to make their voice heard. In 2009, Earth Hour is being taken to the next level, with the goal of 1 billion people switching off their lights as part of a global vote. Unlike any election in history, it is not about what country you’re from, but instead, what planet you’re from. VOTE EARTH is a global call to action for every individual, every business, and every community. A call to stand up and take control over the future of our planet. Over 74 countries and territories have pledged their support to VOTE EARTH during Earth Hour 2009, and this number is growing everyday. We all have a vote, and every single vote counts. Together we can take control of the future of our planet, for future generations. " it's not about the number of votes ultimately. it's really about people caring for the Earth. if everyone does, we will make a difference. really consider it. one hour isnt at all too much to ask for. in fact, it's nothing for each individual. remember how time flies? this is your chance to use those dusty candles you have stored away for many years. this is your chance to think and reflect. and feel what it would be like to have no lights at all, living in the darkness. and you must be thankful we have lights now. because even though World gave us lights, it doesnt mean we can misuse it. it's like we're taking whatever we have for granted. we're not only from our own families, not only from our own schools, not only from our own countries. we're from planet Earth. yeah, that's the first thing all humans have in common: we're all from planet Earth. the whole world's in it together. we'll all do it together and it's big difference we'll be making. consider it.
9:34 PM
cats are cute. especially when they scratch or lick themselves on the road/under a car/on a car. reproduction is gross when there is an excessive number of them existing. examples are humans and mosquitoes. on second thoughts hamster sex aint so gross afterall. i know i keep saying there's overpopulation. then some people will think i wont mind if more people die, people other than me so i can live a better life. then they will think i'm cold-blooded and selfish. but truth is i would very much like to sacrifice myself, even if it's just one person. i would die for the world, but my cause/reason of death must be clearly stated and understood as because i wanted to make a sacrifice. and i say that from the bottom of my heart. and now you know i really mean it and isnt selfish in that sense. anyway. for two times this day i had thought/asked myself "when's this? term 2? or term 1?" then i will only realize after a while that it's actually the HOLIDAY between term one and two. this only proves how this doesnt feel like a holiday at all. but that's quite odd since what did not make this a holiday are two reasons: 1. cca on three days of weekdays 2. loads of homework and it's odd because i would so much rather go for cca than do any of the homework assigned. well esp ih. ih sounded fun at the beginning of the year but with all the essay-answer writing which i keep failing since history last year, it's beginning to push me to the other extreme: hating it. teh contents are fun but writing damn long answers which i can never understand why i dont score a single mark from is just too discouraging and draining. but that's not the point. tbe point was, cca is much more meaningful than doing schoolwork cuz it's clear where we're heading and clear what we're achieveing. towards the impossible perfection. but that's still a clear goal. you see, it's like, for cca it's kicking a soccer ball into the goal whereas for academics it's like sailing in the middle of an ocean and it's misty. you dont know where you're heading. you only know you wont achieve anything if you stay on the same spot. so just move. move where? whereever the waves and winds take you. you dont know when it's going to end, neither do you know your destination. it's frustrating. and pointless. well and a waste of time. cca is just so much better. i used to hate cca. but i guess now i love it. really wonder how i'm going to survive without co. it's like, part of my life now, mentally. and i rather play hou ban pais a hundred million times than to get myself involved in some stupid pointless ih assignment. school is retarded. they are so smart they are making me lose interest in every freaking subject now. didnt use to be like that. tht just goes to show that well, something is a passion-drainer. and the second point. loads of homework. you know jiayan made it sound like we have DAMN little homework for this holiday ytd? she said "except for ih and math ws and supp ws, what else do we have to hand in on monday?" i was SHOCKED. so we only have 3 homework and i'm like DYING? that didnt make sense. then i relaized all the other damn homeworks are sias and projects and researches and yada yada things that are pointless. homework is pointless. grades are pointless. marks are even MORE pointless. how the heck could you let a NUMBER tell your .. knowledge experience and human? yes, knowledgee. because somehting stiff like IQ and amount of education IS measurable by numbers, however, IQ and amount of education doesnt show anything about the person except that he;s damn good at studying but SO WHAT? does he have a good personality? is he WISE? you'll never know that. he can know every fact under the sun but he's just as immature as a three-year-old. whereas knowledge experience and humane can almost includes everything under the sun. and that is unmeasurable. it's retarded letting numbers control our self-esteem and stuff, really. but it's not like i'm not controlled or hypnotized by numbers either, i'm trying to break free from the hypnotization. i'm going to sleep. so goodnight and have a good rest. bye till next post. PS: i'm lying.
8:33 PM
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
can put it this way: i have seen enough of the World for me to stop believing in good and humane things.
9:29 PM
realize we dont get holidays, but lots and lots of "work-from-home"s?
9:00 PM
AND, AND, they accidentally broke the frame when they were taking out/putting in the lense. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! so angry. AND i want to go out for a stroll listening to music embracing the world. and my mum say i go with you. and i say but i want to go myself. she said "wo ye yao qu!" in a nvm-it's-okay tone. yeah okay "nvm it's okay" i can appreciate that when i really dont want you to go because i care about you but now, she just doesnt get it. i want time ALONE and she just HAS to come with me. ugh. she's so insensitive to others. angry posts. ): and i have yet to post "how to be happy"
7:59 PM
today is very bloggable. on the bus to school, this canadian dad and two kids boarded the bus. then one the kids sat beside me. and she took our this piece of paper and started writing. she was writing MATH. and she kept showing it to her dad. o.o while the other one was quietly reading the Bible. then one stop before they alight, the dad told them to get ready and keep their stuff. then this woman who was standing, immediately walked up, the stairs cuz it was the new bus the platform there. so she heard they're getting off, and she walked up, and stood behind the seat. and as soon as the little kid sitting next to me stood up and left, she sat down beside me. i was like.. speechless. like that also want to qiang. there was traffic. not so bad but still stuck in traffic. then i texted lixian say i'm late stuck in traffic and she said jiayou and i said how to jiayou!? then later the sky grew dark.. and i was reaching.. then it started raining once we were on dunearn road. it was quite heavily. then something hit me. i have to alight the stop before. cuz the side gate's not open. and i had to get off at the stop before, and walk in the RAIN so school? that's retarded. but i was already late, i had no choice. i had to run, even. then i took off my jacket and stuff the book into my bag and was all prepared to get drenched from scalp to sole. i pressed the bell. walked down. i sensed stares. once the door opens i RAN out into the bustop and RAN all the way to school. literally RAN ALL THE WAY until i reached audi. and on the way i was to careless so i stepped in at least 2 puddles and one splashed all the way so that my whole below-leg was wet. really drenched. i was transclucent. then i made my way up to m401 and saw lixian and she fell out laughing until she was squatting on the floor. so i said loudly to her "see i really got jiayou okay!" and i was shouting complaining about the stupid school side gate which doesnt even open when we come for cca. it's seriously useless man. once, i said it to GO and the person say it's the security company. like, OKAY. that's for SCHOOL DAYS cant they be more flexible and open it later on holidays??? what's the matter with sitting there by the gate for a few more hours/at a later hour??? i even told the GO if the security guard doesnt want to sit there i could go sit in. but the school said it's the security company. THEN LET ME TELL YOU THE SECURITY COMPANY SUCK MAN. someone told me when they are not at the gate, they sit in their office. COME ON. you get to just SIT and get paid. and you still want to slack. (i know it's not slacking but) sit in the office same as sit at the gate RIGHT. and when you sit at the gate you get to bring convenience to others. well, SO MANY OTHERS. damn annoyed at them. the gate is like only for decorative purpose only right? fine. then i wont use it. or else, i wont respect that damn gate at all and just climb over it one day when i'm really pissed. like i am now. and it was like, so much later in the day, that somone actually told me the gate is open on rainy days. OMG SO QIAN BIAN i had NO IDEA. obviosuly it's my fault cuz i didnt know. but still, the timings of gate-opens are so hard to remember and it's not like anyone would even go remember them and by giving weird timings, people have to go and purposely remember them and they take up space in our already-filled-to-the-brim brain okay. so to lighten our load, they should just SIT THERE AND STONE FOR THE WHOEL DAY. i mean come one, how bad can it be? rain? umbrella and rain coat. bored? suduku. hot? ice water. cut off from civilsation? BRING YOUR DAMN LAPTOP. i dont freaking care WHAT you do at the gate, it only matters that you ARE at the gate. gah. then make me drench for nothing. well. i only learn that gates are open on wet days. and i dont even trust them to be open on wet days actually. if it rains tmr morning i'm going to the side gate, and if it's not open. i'll either wait for the rain to stop and go, dont care even if i'm late for cca. i have the right to not want to get drenched again okay. it wa freaking cold in m4 today cuz i was WET. almost had a headache. andand. i want to do a bladder-size-increasement operation. cant stand it. have to go toilet like 3 or 4 times during dazu and have to ask mrs ee EVERY time i go. i feel bad. and i think she's also sick of nodding her head and saying yes already. i shall ask her for permission to go toilet without asking her due to me having bladder the size of a pea. it's really because i would go toilet when i'm cold actually. next time, i'm bringing a WOOL jacket.
7:15 PM
Monday, March 16, 2009
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CRs-7lRlPo&feature=PlayList&p=8FACE33D9E1648EB&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=30 Earth Hour. it says on discovery channel "it's not about what country you're from. but what planet you're from."
8:30 PM
never there when i need her. always there when i want to be alone. good job in being a mum. she called at six at told she's coming home. and said sorry. what the hell. first u didnt even need to call since it was already SIX and two i dont need your sympathy.
6:17 PM
Sunday, March 15, 2009
i feel happy cuz i wrote japanese and my dad said i wrote pretty japanese. i wrote lyrics to only human!! cuz i suddenly realized it's a very nice song. and i also realized wikipedia has this special site that gives lyrics in the original language, and translation, which is so cool!! truth is, japanese characters ARE pretty and there's this rather magical thing about it and it's that japanese writing makes anyone's japanese writing look nice and professional.
8:36 PM
damn. i hate politics. as well as economy. even if that would me make an idiot.
8:25 PM
havent watched disney in years omg. hannah montana really got me laughing. "WALKING POM-POM"!! lolol edit: let's put it this way alright so the school can see clearly what they're doing to us. we are fruits, fresh, full of energy. the school is a juice maker to put it nicely. a crusher really. draining us.
6:06 PM
"the third was a rumble. and then came a bright. ... those low humble rumbles. those loud arrogant thunders. announcing itself, like a bride."
2:56 PM
Saturday, March 14, 2009
F MY MUM. she's a horrible mean insensitive selfish person. she THINKS she's being xiao shun to my grandparents but she's really just being a spoiled brat. well at this moment so am i. and I DO NOT AND WOULD NOT AND WOULD NEVER WANT TO LOOK LIKE MY MUM. i do not in the least sense want to be ANYTHING like my mum. and i feel damn bad for my grandparents. not like i dislike them. i CAN and i WOULD actually talk to them. but my mum always has to say something that makes me feel DAMN ANGRY in front of my grandparents, that i have no mood to talk to them at all. my mum sucks. she relaly sucks. for once in my life i shall be damn cold blooded and inhumane and say, whatever she sacrificed for me, she's looked for it herself. i have nothing to do with anything she did. and she.. she's supposed to sacrifice for a child. PEOPLE SHOULD FUCKING KNOW THAT WHEN THEY DECIDETO HAVE A CHILD ALRIGHT. SAYING IT FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME ALR. i hate my mum. yes i would so much rather be like my dad. so what if i'm blood type A? and then my mum just HAD to add "but lots of people are saying she's becoming more and more like me(appearance wise)" and i could do nothing but to roll my eyes. u know what? an example of why she's damn selfish and not sensitive. told her i wanted to go out at night, say jurong point to get people's bday presents. then she said nvm we can go tmr since your dad's coming back tonight. (background info he's only reaching home around 12 midnight later) we'll get him to go with us then. it's like WHAT THE HELL HE JUST GOT OFF THE PLANE CAME BACK FROM BUSINESS TRIP NO NEED TO REST IS IT?? she only considers her own needs. seriously. once she even forced my granbparents to hang up two not-even-nice paintings int their livings and i can ASSURE YOU the wall looked ten times more horrible after the 2 paintings. and she forced them to have the paintings only cuz SHE liked it and SHE THINKS it's good to have some paintings at home. WHAT CRAP. she's so.. full of herself. i feel sorry for my grandparents. for having SUCH a child. and i feel sorry for myself, for having SUCH a mum, who cant even teach her child the UNSELFISH thing to do. so then i have to hunt for it myself. yeah, maybe that's what makes me so nice. but i said that in an angry tone. and have i mentioned how HORRIBLE she looks in the morning? maybe i shant be so mean. but trust me, i could easily get freaked out if i woke up at the wrong time. she's selfish. she doesnt see the point in putting in so much effort for cca. she likes to close all windows and doors so that we all feel trapped and suffocated. maybe that's how i got this claustrophobic thing huh. (no i really am not claustrophobic. i just HATE being in enclosed areas where u cant get a glimpse of the outside world. not afraid.) but apparently she says "it's our house. if you open all the windows everyone who walk pass can see everything. we all have privacy rights" like what the hell is wrong with that huh i ask you? we're all neighbours anyway. and it's not like you have sth in your house that's not meant to be seen. and it's not as if staying on the 4th floor is windy or bright in the first place. and she still have to enclose herself. i tell u i can SUFFOCATE if i continue to live with her for the next ten years. our room will probably just become as dark and gloomy as the potato eaters' room. whatever man. my mum sucks.
9:52 PM
foster sis asked me why CO people like their cca so much. she said she has a classmate "dou chi bu shang wu fan hai xiao xi xi de". lol. but yeah nyco IS great.
7:45 PM
ohman! acelearning rocks!!!
6:32 PM
omg scary. 2 days didnt use comp have 30plus emails. yes, 2 days didnt use computer. feel so deprived. when i dont blog about the day, it feels like i didnt live a day. anyway. there is NO holidays. and all teachers ironically wished us to "have a good holiday" ytd. I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO KNOW HOW, you know. it's not about extending deadlines. it's about reducing amount of schoolwork. it's not about being stressed with so much stuff, it's about relaxing and doing what's human. but no one seems to understand what exactly i mean. at this point however, even i dont know what i mean. i just know, that this life is like the movie frankenstein. and i htink i said this before. but this only becomes clearer and more applicable as days pass by. frankenstein created the monster, who in turn brought trouble to humans. in life, however, humans created technology, which in turn comes crashing down on us like an avalanche. we're already at this point. there's no turning back. we can only "strive and achieve" higher technology to overcome this current technology. does that make sense? no it doesnt but whatever. we just have to continue with technology because WE created it so it's OUR responsibility right. but the harm it brings to us all. is unimaginable. u might think. technology? isnt it supposed to be good and all? and if not for technology, how can we even blog? okay so i admit to that. convenience. who knows, maybe for a person like me who have so much to say, will get very muscular arms and swift hands in the abscence of computers. but technology generally means economy, advancement and so on. IN THIS CASE. we're studying for technology. because we want to advance. in order to advance in this digital world, what else are there beside the DRY TECHNOLOGY? coming back. holidays dont exist anymore for many of us. name me ONE person from nanyang or practically just ANY secondary school, who can 100% take their mind off school/cca/studying/projects/homework for this march holidays. i dont think so. anyway. it's weird you know. i'm perfectly happy with life but then when i start blogging about it everything comes out like i really hate the World or sth. but as a matter of fact, i do. which is why i shall be considerate enough to not bring another human into this World by choosing to not want a child. i am for abortion. it brings happiness. the fetus? it's just have to sacrifice itself for all the mistakes humans made. an innocent life sacrificing for us all. worthed it? but think again. once it comes into this World. the misfortunes it may face with. isnt that even worse? so in the first place, heterosexuality is a sin. erm.. but that's out of point. because either way the fetus suffer. jsut that if u abort u end its suffer quicker and thus less pain. sigh. that's why everyone likes to live deep into the fur of the rabbit.because when you dont think, it's a perfect little world. well mostly, Disney is what makes the World sort of perfect-perfect for me. i've made my mind to buy the disney classics. all 5 of them. COME ON! if they're really ORIGINAL, they're INVALUABLE!! i shall spend the next post teaching people how to be happy when sth bad comes about. haha. it's going to be a little hard to agree with, or understand, seeing my parents dont exactly think it's wise. the biggest irony. the school's SUPPOSEDLY BIlingual. right? but let's see. one principal only speaks english. while one vp speaks only chinese. hmmmmmm.... and sorry, was that bilingual you said?? we all think we're efficient in both english and chinese. truth is, many people when they go to pure english/chinese speaking countries, they totally make a fool out of themselves. really! there're so many of such cases. we're just, stuck in the middle. then let's all just use singlish once and for all la. since it's really what we are good at mah. oh yes we played this DAMN funny game during obs. it's called "it's a what?" it's so so funny!!! it was the hardest i laugh in those 2 first days of obs. next time 201 can play. haha we're accelerating, not only that, but we have INCREASING acceleration. oh yes our physcis teacher was chao funny ytd. he was like, "why your surrounding class so noisy ah.. *sigh*" "okay if they want to compete i can be louder" then he started shouting "SO THE ACCELERATION IS.." and it's not as if he's not loud enough usually. he is SERIOUSLY loud okay. and he is damn drama. he ran away from art tuition. lol. he actually HAD art tuition. that's even funnier. but the point is. the mass of the Earth doesnt change. because everything we have now comes from a natural resource so the mass remains the same, except for satellites and asteroids that get sent off or comes crashing. but these are negligible. do this experiment in your head: weigh the mass of the Earth 4.6 billion years ago. come back to present, remove ALL buildings/people/car/man-made things and leave only nature. nothing but only nature. weigh the bare Earth again. you want to bet? i bet you the mass of the now-Earth has descreased significantly. this is called, everyone let's say it toegther, EARTH EXPLOITATION.
11:26 AM
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
omg singapore is damn lame!!!! watched this advertisement just now. a taxi driving at night, by the road there's this woman in red who's tired who's flagging a taxi. the taxi driver saw her, got scared, and turned away. woman feels "aii..." and guess what the ad was about. it's about some medcine that can help you improve your BLOOD CIRCULATION, so you wont look lian se cang bai. like a ghost. like so totally O.O!!!!!!!!
9:34 PM
AHHH finally finished geo research! i really felt happy when i finished kay! i think it's cuz i was procrastinating. cuz couldnt find much on the internet. then today somehow could find quite a lot of things. and i still had to end reluctantly, cuz there seemed still lots more stuff. though there're still never ending amounts of homework that's OMG due tmr OH MAN PHYSICS SUCK GAH but. darn it u know what. i was about to say "even though there's still so much homework, i suddenly feel so relaxed cuz it's like one big load off me" but apparently it's not true anymore. i dont even understand that phsycis worksheet. anyway yumo's right. if we all didnt quit, the school wouldnt have came up with this great policy. so i concluded, we sacrificed to give your this advantage! lol so your should thank people who quit third lang. and yijing's right too, this is like one of the very few things the school has done that is beneficial (from students' POV) to students. but man i do wish i didnt quit now. lalala.. does anyone has any nice songs to recommend? it's hard to search for songs as in search content-wise cuz everytime you type sth, the song name or band name or singer name will appear.
8:42 PM
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
on why people who give birth/have children are selfish people. they bring a new being into the world, knowing how cruel the world is. and they did so just cuz of their undying love for each other. they harm something totally innocent as a result of their sinned love. and that is not important. what comes next is that, the parents will then take such good care of the beings they brought into World that they will actually make their children feel bad if they dont love their parents at all. it's like instilling love for parents into children, who're totally innocent. if that really is the intention when whoever created life and Earth, Earth is too sad and evil a place for us all. anyway, from a new light, we are just products made by two people. who are we to even love back our owners? sure parents are wei da and everything. but they must rmb whatever happens to the child or related to the child, IT'S THEIR RESPONSIBILITY. i hate it when parents are irresponsible. come on! it's you who were fucking rash to have a child. so you take the responsibility, alright? even if we dont love back our parents, there's nothing theoretically wrong with it, cuz.. WE are the products and products dont have feelings, though we ARE humans and not loving a parent shows we are damn inhumane and cold blooded. but again, it's still because of what the parents have instilled in us. they actually cause us to feel bad. man now i think of it and ... i made a sudden realization that, isnt this what evil people do to others? they use psychology. they do sth really nice to a person, then the person will feel such gratitude, that he will trust that mean person so much, until in the end, the mean person is totally harming the other person. then by then, it'll be too late to back out. too late to back out of it. (that's one thing i learnt from camp too, World is an evil evil place. i can never live my life here.) so that's like not giving us any freedom. it's either we love our parents back, or hate them and feel guilty. damn guilty. for most of us anyway. did you realize no matter WHAT, there'll always be exceptions? like, fish reproduce by laying eggs but guppies just HAVE to give birth. and so many things from science we know that are exceptional. why bother classifying them in the first place when there're so many weird exceptions that wont fall under any category? yeah, maybe it they didnt, the World would be as messy as internet networks. judging from the things i say about people who give birth, it might just mean i love singaporeans you know. because singaporeans refuse to have children nowadays. lol. btw, CERTAIN guys are a waste of space. they take up around one quarter or more of the total seats in a 157 double decker. come on, they are guys. they can even WALK to school. okay shant be so cruel but still, they are a waste of space. and they also talk about lame stuff like comp games. and us being more mature just have to bear with them. maybe someday i'll scream "grow up!" into their faces. dont understand why they say we need more more more people. buses are like sardine cans in the morning alr and they're afraid not enough people. rmb the water problem ppt we watched during assembly just now? why is there a water crisis now? because we are having way too many people Earth can support. very soon, "maximum capacity of an area" would mean literally. the plates will sink into the earth crust and let's see how they think we're still in need of people huh. death is almost like a comfort zone. just that, most humans arent so selfish, nor extreme, to commit suicide. "technology makes you smile" makes me cry. figuratively. cry in exasperation. saw it on a bus and it has this woman with some gadget smiling away. speaking of gadget. physics teacher's damn damn funny today. he was kind of like excited to use his "gadget" or so he said. it's really a laser. and he took some time trying to switch it on or sth. after trying futilely for some time, he realized he's supposed to pull sth off first. O.O and he made some funny noise. then proceeded on to show us how short his tongue is. in which these 2 we dont see a connection in. then he said "so what is my s?" and he aske again and again. until he, and us finally realized it sounds wrong, he said "what's his s?" "what's its s?" and here ""s" means uhh idk.. sth related to physics apparently cant rmb what. he is SUCH a drama queen. his lessons are mostly funny. and he doesnt seem to realize what he doing is funny. he has this blur look on his face. lol. well anyway. apologies if you found that thought on parents disturbing/annoying/untrue/very ridiculous/unacceptable. Labels: some thinking involved (:
9:40 PM
one. pepsi has a weird after taste. two. my memory's getting worse and worse. cant rmb a thing i want to say now.
9:08 PM
Monday, March 9, 2009
you know the song row your boat? it's a simple easy effortless song. but once you try to really ROW A BOAT, you realize that's not the case man. people have this tendency to simplify things for children. but you only hurt them, instead of bringing them any good, because when they know the cold hard truth it's when their pretty pretty image of the World gets destroyed. and then they get hurt. * i'm not angry, nor do i hate, i just feel extremely sad. learning to block people out is a skill. no wait. that sounded sad. i meant, knowing to ignore the right people is a skill. feel too tired to get affected by everyone already. sian. i dislike it so much. it'll never be as good. and HAHA have i mentioned how i lost my freaking wallet?? so after obs we were on a taxi heading for KAP and because there was double yellow line along the road, the taxi wasnt supposed to stop. but we got him to stop so we could quickly get out. and me being overreactive said my dad, threw out all my stuff i was holding on to, stupidly thinking it's the fastest way to get out. i threw everything onto the grass. it was kind of chaotic when eveyrone scrambled out. then we were totally laughing cuz we got out so rush-ly and unglamly. then we left. then at kap i realized my wallet's missing. then i thought i mustve thrown it onto the grass as well. when i went back. nothing. i just dont seem to understand people. people who're greedy and dishonest. people dropped a wallet. and you just had to freaking pick it up? are you a beggar huh??? why cant people leave things alone as they are? and when i lost my phone the last time, same thing happened. fine it's totally my fault i lost my wallet and i know it. i learnt my lesson to not be rush. but there are still people who'll take a wallet on the ground. fine, humans are born greedy, but not dishonest-greedy! THEY ARE NO DIFFERENT FROM THIEVES OKAY I TELL YOU. Labels: some thinking involved (:
5:43 PM
Sunday, March 8, 2009
man. can you believe LISA HE went hang hang with her mum until 12 plus at bugis ytd night? i cant. ps: i pray everything goes smoothly tomorrow.
11:07 PM
pulau ubin. sounds like walau ubin. hahahahahahahahaha that's so lame!!
10:08 PM
OH FREAK! IT'S UNDER MY BED!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL
9:08 PM
i forgot to add that our instructor said he didnt want to let us know what we'll be doing because he wanted us to live every moment, instead of thinking of elsewhen in that moment. it's things like that that makes obs nice and meaningful. without all the reflection sessions, those trekking that's supposedly to make us stronger would only mean nothing but pure physical torture. lol un-kang-able. it's nice to know we're all so connected inside that the moment we say something weird like that the other understands. i believe in the humane side of everyone. we all learnt that everyone is nice, yet not nice at the same time. so there's no use bitching is there? except to be able to express what you feel. OMG YES I ALMOST FORGOT. okay shall go write it down now. so cool man. it's nice to drink pulau ubin tap water. and we were so pissed with pulau ubin that we wanted to attack it in the future. but it's not a good thing to say on blogs so i shall shut up. anyway it's not like we'll really attack it. more like we'll exterminate all mosquitoes on earth. and i get really pissed when i see tiger balm mosquito patch advertisement on buses. because they have a qian bian little boy in a tiger suit smiling away because he pasted a stupid little tiget balm mosquito patch on his costume. and the slogan was: little mosquito patches for your little ones. which makes me more pissed, and i dont know why. maybe cuz of "little ones" which reminds me of children which reminds me of overpopulation. gah. it's all so stupid because from experience and when really put to test, all insect repellents are just useless. mosquitoes suck man. and yes that was an intended pun. and from obs i self-discovered that i hate night and darkness. lol. it's hell when you have to pitch tents on wet sandy grounds in pitch darkness, only partly lighted up with torchlights. sam and i we have something in common. lol. something quite random. we dont like getting partially wet. maybe that makes us some sort of an extremists cuz either we get all wet, or we keep ourselves totally dry. lalala i like random posts cuz it makes me think you wont get bored reading it cuz it's always something fresh the next paragraph, instead of one lone boring lecture on one topic. yay. haha but DO YOU indeed find it more interesting? yay i like nanyang for giving us one day off. and the block test over a month thing is just as well. i wont freak out over tests. boarding school. cant wait. like someone who's PC/PR said, our school is damn smart. put everything into april. right now i shall make a list of what's gonna happen in april: -SYF SYF SYF -block tests -boarding school -sports meet -april fools -day of silence -people's birthdays = hunt for presents -easter day party for la sia -yeah that's all i have now. everything's coming down on us like an avalanche. there's no running away. you're dommed for sure. and i STILL cant find that damn ws 8. i'm so sure it's in my room right now. just cant find it. stupid ws when i give up on you then you know ah!
8:40 PM
what is the probability of the sun rising tmr? without thinking, it'd be 100%, right? but i read this book with a light bulb, and it says, it is just as possible that the sun wont rise tmr as it will rise tmr. because we only say it's 100% chance that it will rise tmr because it has risen daily over the past 4.6 billion years. so there is no reason for it to stop rising tmr, everyone would think. then i suddenly remember about "Probability", the math research topic last year. probability is not dependent on previous incidences. example, for 3 days in a row there's low traffic doesnt mean day 4 would have low traffic too. in other words, previous ___ doesnt affect ___ OH FUCK I DUNNO WHAT WORDS TO USE DAMN IT DAMN IT. i hate myself. whatever. in conclusion, the sun has 50-50 percent chance to rise or not to rise tmr. and philosophy is like a man in a boat in the ocean. he is comfortable in the little boat. but he can choose if he wants to dive into the ocean for some adventure. the end. i'm so pissed. Labels: some thinking involved (:
8:17 PM
damn it it rains a lot less once we get back. my chem ws 8 has mysteriously disappeared. just when i am actually interested to work on it.
7:26 PM
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Q:who's happy before OBS? A: camp stores Q: who's happy during OBS? A: mosquitoes. Q: who's happy after OBS? A: clinics and massage parlors
6:04 PM
Friday, March 6, 2009
hoof. it was like a dream. one because it seem so.. far away. two because obs was impossible. three because it just feel like a dream. and as much as it's very tempting to say obs is fun, i shant lie to everyone including myself. i think they're right. seniors only say it's fun because humans rmb positive things. so after one year they'll just forget about the torture but rmb the fun and meaningful times. thus in short they all say "it's fun". maybe. but to me, truth is that it is really undeniably physical torture, esp the trekking part. but, just like Edvan our extremely nice instructor said, there's always a 'but' to it, it's very very meaningful, and kind of interesting. meaningful in that, we really got to know ourselves and others a lot lot better. and yeah quite sure it's an experience we'll not forget for at least the next ten years.. perhaps. (and now i'm blankly looking at what i typed and it feels like a dream too...) yeah. it really toughens us. well it served its purpose! and it's interesting, note that interesting and fun are different concepts. interesting cuz we get to do many things we wont do in our daily lives like sleeping in smelly tents(not that i like it), peeing in bushes (not that i like it either damn gross) and erm erm.. well living 4 and a half days with friends without parents (haha that i like) and.. climbing those confidence-building structures, rowing boats and training arm muscles like crazy and a lot more stuff. u know, the theme for obs is self discovery. and i realized, they made us learn about ourselves the hard way. like go thru physical torture to learn about ourselves and others? i'm sure that's not the only way to people-discover. but still, if no one push you to your limits or extremes, you wont. and you'll never improve because you never stretch that rubber band. you'll always remain in that same limit. so arguing with myself, obs is still more meaningful than it is physical torture. obs is always very extreme. it's horribly terrible when it comes to the pee in the bushes part and the carry-a-haversack-half-your-weight-and-trek-for-hours-in-the-sun-in-humid-singapore part. it's HORRIBLE. but then again, IF you just put down all your stuff, IF you have nothng with you but yourself, IF the grounds arent wet, IF it isnt humid, IF it isnt so burning hot, IF THERE AINT ANY DAMNED MOSQUITOES, the scenery is actually fantastic. even though it's nothing like the Grand Canyons, which is my favorite scenery so far. because the nevironment's really.. natural. yeah. i like stepping on leaves and hearing that footsteps on leaves sound. it's so.. expedition-ish. and the air's so good, well, without the smell of the haversack of course, which STINKS LIKE SHIT both figuratively and literally. yeah and MOSQUITOES ARE THE WORST INSECTS ON EARTH. okay. i take that back. maybe in singapore. they are GROSS. and as i was telling yumo linsha jingwen just now, we actually saw two mosquitoes having sex in midair. UGH. and mosquitoes reproduce in what, thousands? ten thousands? no idea. but point is, they are gross and yet they reproduce so much. they all swarm around you when you walk in the forest, that's why i hate hate HATE HUMID. HUMID SUCKS OKAY. SO DOES MOSQUITOES. i actually shouted "DAMN YOU MOSQUITOES" and "I HATE MOSQUITOES!" in the forest as we were trekking. man that felt nice. yeah, and i also said loudly "i hate all things that reproduce", which made Mary ask "does that mean you hate human beings too?" which made me reply proudly "yes, humans in general". haha. i really do hate all things that reproduce because reproduction is GROSS. esp when there is ALREADY overpopulation of humans on earth, and mosquitoes in forests. lalalalalala i feel happy and carefree right now. AH that reminds me of my livejournal blog where you can choose your current mood. haha. anyway. yeah. happy cuz talked with sammy ytd and just now, and ate with jingwen yumo linsha. mostly due to 201 reasons. hmm. carefree cuz i'm putting the thoughts of homework to the back back back of my head. cuz after obs, i learnt to LIVE WITH IT, in which "it" refers to natural things, which is everything that happens, on the basis that "everything that happens isnt unnatural". so if i fail, i'm meant to fail, and i shall just live with me failing, just improve next time.no use stressing. wow. nicole would love to hear that. ohwell. but i do have loads of schoolwork which i dreally dread to do.... GAH.exasperation. ohyes and rfom obs i also learnt that LIFE ON EARTH IS HARD AND IS NEVER EASY. i gathered that from the land expeditions, the traumatizing(is that right?) amount of schoolwork, the society, everything. life isnt easy. but why? why is it that life is made such that it isnt easy? out of everything in the universal, why "difficult"? and "complicated"? i also learnt that everything is contradictory. one example is day and night. another example is good people and mean people. you feel bad when you meet nice people and angry when u meet mean people. which would you choose? a hard choice. ohyeah. i like the sort of like purpose of trekking ytd. according to our instructions, we were supposed to meet a girl in the forest, and she'll give us directions to find sth else. so we trekked. and we kept resting because everyone got tired easily. and in the end when we were finally there, Edvan said she's "left", or "moved on", because we were late. damn we started complaining. and these came across my mind. -what the hell how can she do this to us? late also dont want to wait. why the effing hell should we go chase after her? who does she think she is?? is she even worthed us tiring ourselves out to find her? no! we dont even know her. and she'll only give us another mission! have to walk even further! dont care la why must find her.. hate her man. so bad la, we trek until so tired dont want to wait. how are we to catch up with her?? we'll probably never find her! she'd better be a mean person so i can feel anrgy at her, else if she's nice, i'm gonna feel bad. and we used words like "bitch" to describe her. and we walked on and on and on and rest and rest and rest. until at one point, we reached the second place where she's gonna meet us. and Edvan said she left again. and we were all damn tired by then.. and Edvan said "the girl you were supposed to find.. is really yourself." that really struck me. link it back to all the things i had thought before. it all fell into place. Edvan said that "you are looking for the girl within you. do you really want to give up on her? or what? ........" and he said so much, so much meaningful and philosophical stuff that makes so much sense, that i actually cried. well i cried also cuz he's so nice, and we complained so much on the way. and use such harsh words. i really felt bad for him. well and also because i realized what a harsh world we're living in. what tough life we're living. and the same night in the tent i thought, "death can be the comfort zone i can anytime retreat to." but when i told Jan, she said "that's selfish but yeah.." and i realized, yeah, that IS selfish.. and i also wondered. why's life so hard? is it to prepare us for after-life which is going to be harder?? and.. if something hard happens, you treat it as a learning experience, you just keep learning, but not applying, then before you die, you're still learning to cope with hard situations, then you'll never use what you've learnt from your previous hard situations. it's damn twisted a thought but if you see it in a certain angle, it's true, isnt it? or maybe everytime u go thru something, it feels less painful because you're applying what you've learnt. that'd make more sense. but that didnt make sense to your right? since i was totally hitting the wrong thing when i got the right thing in the end and you wonder why didnt i just get it right the first time because it's such a simple thing! but it's a thought process you see. okay nvm . gah.... hey i realize i'm mostly talking to myself on posts so yeah shall just shut up here and unpack and drink and stuff. ah. thirsty. goodbye. PS: it's hard to believe i made it thru OBS. so many times i felt like really giving up... Labels: some thinking involved (:
6:58 PM
Sunday, March 1, 2009
i'm happy today cuz i bought pencils!!! pencils that are rubber-tipped! according to the box. it's so classic man. so cool. i've decided to use pencils instead of mechanical pencils, the lead is expensive man. and. it's always good to get back to the basic eh? i half wanted to buy those erasers with alphabets and a green top!! remember? those that u use in p1. and the collen crayons!!! jumbo ones... and collen color pencils just smell so nice!! i would live in Popular if i could. lalala.. OBS OBS OBS!! (: it feels so far away, when u think of living in muddy places. but it's just tmr. !!!!! haha so fun everyone asking for last minute are-you-bringing-s. lol. ohyeah oheayh!! i finally have a livejournal account. actually, i had it since 2006 but nvr knew. lj's really fun!! but i'll stick to blogger for now. go visit! i posted >< http://squigglydreams.livejournal.com
9:20 PM
busy busy busy night. hssrp, packing, geography
7:22 PM
OBS means 5 days without computer. without my dear dear comp. i'm gonna miss you!! ): something smells fishy downstairs..
7:22 PM
oh man oh man oh man. i'm procrastinating. packing!
7:22 PM
havent felt so stressfree for a long time! we practically spent the whole afternoon in jurong point. ahhh not that jurong point's such a heaven, just that we could stay there and look at things without rush, get to walk slowly, get to choose slowly, everything without rush. and no thoughts of unfinished homework man i really havent felt like that for ages. and im so enjoying it now. pack pack pack. it's so much better than rushing a homework. i look forwar to obs!!! man i hope it rains!!! then we'll all be muddy and wet and all, gosh so fun! then can walk in the rain!! i just hope i dont fall sick. OHYEAH a road was flooded when we came back from jurong point! SO COOL!! cuz i nvr see "flood" in singapore before. haha. it's so cool you know! at first we saw this car that made a HUGE splash in front, then later we realzed it's this mini flood. and the water reach one-third of a tyre's height! and the water overflowed to the other road too! haha so amazing. i even took pictures. it was soo cool. yeah, mainly cuz nvr see before. o.o
8:19 AM
i am never letting anyone else cut my hair again.
8:19 AM
Yours Truly To put it negatively, I am just yet another human being on this badly overpopulated and ruled-by-money Earth, but on the bright side, I am proudly from 201'08 and I love 201'08.(: I love my CCA.(: I have big dreams.(: I believe in Squigglerism.(: I like using the penknife. It is convenient and neat.(: I am more than glad to be in Singapore, letting me be more than satisfied with life.(: Exits
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